I Just Call You Mine
by Jordan Trevor
Summary: "They meant well, and it's not like they stared, but Kathryn saw the look in their eyes - that knowledge that Chakotay wasn't who he had been and may never be that man again."
1. Chapter 1

**I Just Call You Mine**

**Disclaimer:** The_ Voyager_ crew doesn't belong to me.

"I can't do it!" The tired, angry words were accompanied by a data padd that went sailing across the room, hit the wall, and clattered to the floor just as the doors to her quarters slid open and she stepped inside. She glanced down at the padd and then over to Chakotay who was half out of his chair, frustrated tears trailing down his cheeks. He pushed back from the table and escaped into the bedroom before either she or Tom had a chance to say a word. And what was there to say? Sometimes it was best to let him calm down on his own.

She moved over to the table as Tom stood. "Has he been like this all afternoon?" she queried, hoping that they'd been able to accomplish something during the therapy session.

Tom shook his head. "No, just the last half hour or so." He looked toward the bedroom, guilt and concern evident in his blue eyes. "I shouldn't have pushed him so hard."

Kathryn instantly placed her hand on Tom's arm, drawing his gaze back to her. "You have to. Remember what the Doctor said. If we want him back, then we have to push him. And I do want him back. All of him." She glanced back over her shoulder. "And I'm willing to lose a few data padds along the way if that's what it takes."

Tom relaxed at her words, letting go of a deep breath. He felt the tension that had been building along his shoulders begin to recede, and he smiled at her. "I am, too." He knew she was right, but still… "Sometimes I just wish that… it wasn't so hard. I mean, some things come easy, but most of what he's relearning is really frustrating for him. I hate to see him get upset."

Kathryn reached out and took hold of his hand, squeezing it gently. "I know how you feel. Most days I feel like a wicked witch because I have to make him do things like get dressed, or take a bath, or use a fork… and don't even suggest he use his napkin - some mornings that alone can cause a major meltdown." She strengthened her grip on Tom's hand. "But I keep doing those things because someday he's going to do them without my help, just like he's going to read, and write, and program the computer because of you. I appreciate all that you're doing for him. And he may not say it, but he appreciates it, too. I can't begin to tell you how much he talks about you after you're gone. Tom did this, and Tom did that. You might as well have hung the moon."

Tom sighed. "Well, maybe not the moon… a star or two. He just likes it when we take out one of the shuttles. We didn't go anywhere today. He probably just wants to get out of here. I think Neelix is making pizza for dinner tonight. You might want to eat in the mess hall."

"Sounds good to me. I'm tired of burning replicated pot roast!"

Tom laughed and turned toward the door. "Well, if I don't see you at dinner, then I'll see you on the bridge in the morning. B'Elanna's going to take Chakotay to the holodeck for some hoverball. He'll like that."

"I know he will. Thanks again," she squeezed his hand one last time, and then watched as the doors closed behind him. They were lucky to have Tom as a field medic and a friend.

Turning, she walked into the bedroom and headed for the wardrobe in the bathroom. Chakotay was standing by the bed, staring out the viewport as the stars raced past. She didn't say anything, just went about her usual routine. She left the door open behind her. From the moment he returned to their quarters, she was determined to maintain the same routines they'd always followed. She didn't want anything to seem different or out of the ordinary for Chakotay, no matter how different he might be. She shrugged out of her uniform jacket and hung it in the closet and then bent over to unzip and remove her boots. She peeled off her socks, pulled off the grey turtleneck, and threw them into the recycler. Then she unhooked and lowered the black pants, and pushed those into the recycler as well.

"'m sorry." The words were whispered softly behind her, and she turned to find him leaning in the open door. His face was still wet with tears, and he rubbed at his eyes with the back of his fist. He chewed on his lower lip, and she could tell that he was still upset - nervous, embarrassed, unsure of her reaction.

"It's all right," she smiled softly at him, hoping to reassure him. "Sometimes when people get frustrated, they throw things." Clad only in her bra and panties, she crossed over to the dresser and rummaged through a drawer until she found a pair of cream-colored, loose-fitting lounge pants. She pulled them on and then found a matching blouse; it was long, and flowing, and open at the top. She buttoned it as Chakotay continued to watch her. At first, she wondered what he was thinking whenever he watched her dress or undress. But she was fairly sure there wasn't anything sexual in his gaze. He knew they were married, but the doctor assured her that he wasn't truly aware of what marriage entailed. In his mind, he simply belonged with her, and other than the gentle kisses that she occasionally pressed to his forehead or cheeks, and the times when she held him in comfort, there was no physical side to their relationship. He didn't see her as a woman or touch her in that way. She was just the person who took care of him.

"You don't throw things," he murmured with a shake of his head.

"I've been known to throw things in the past," she claimed, walking over to him and placing her hand against his cheek. "Everyone gets frustrated, Chakotay. It's part of life. The hard part is learning how to control it."

He sighed, and she felt him press into her touch. "Tom says I have to concentrate."

"He's right. The more you concentrate, the more you'll learn."

"And the sooner I'll be him again." Chakotay's dark eyes stared into her grey ones. "I want to be him again."

Kathryn sighed, and rubbed her fingers along his cheek, and then up over his eye, tracing the lines of his tattoo. The Doctor said that he was aware of what he'd lost, of the man he had been. Chakotay thought of his former self as someone other than himself, someone that he wasn't, but would be again.

"You are my Chakotay," she assured him, holding his chin with her fingers, "and I love you, just the way you are." She pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

"But I can learn more," he insisted, the familiar set of his jaw steeling beneath her touch.

"Can't we all," she agreed, pulling her hand away from his face. "Come on." She pushed her feet into a pair of flat slippers and reached down and grabbed his hand. "I don't feel like burning a pot roast tonight. Tom says Neelix is making pizza for dinner in the mess hall. How does that sound?"

He grinned back at her, all concern suddenly dissipating, as the dimples that she loved so much formed around his lips. "Sounds good!"

And he pulled her eagerly out of their quarters, into the corridor, heading toward the mess hall. He led the way, still holding tightly to her hand, guiding her through the ship.

At first, this had all been a confusing maze for him - the corridors, decks, and turbo lifts - and he had been frightened, only venturing forth with her or Tom. Then he allowed B'Elanna or Neelix to take him places. And now, if they let him, he'd wander the ship alone, confident in his ability to find his way from one place to another. If they let him, which they didn't. He was never alone. Not that she didn't trust him - she just never wanted him to be lonely. It must be lonely enough already to have lost so much of himself. And, truth be told, he didn't seem to mind the company. He'd become fairly social in the weeks since his accident; he usually enjoyed spending time with members of the crew. Kathryn smiled as she hurried to keep up with him. And they enjoyed their time with him. He wasn't the same man he had been, but he was still Chakotay - funny, playful, full of energy and daring, and inquisitive. Unless he got overly tired, he loved to learn new things, go places on the holodeck, play games, even shoot pool at Sandrines - although Tom did have to alter Sandrine's program. She was a bit too attentive to Chakotay, and he wasn't sure how to handle her advances. All he wanted to do was play pool, not ward off compliments and caresses from a hologram.

And now, all he wanted was to get to the mess hall in time for pizza.

"Slow down, Chakotay," Kathryn laughed, tugging on his hand, slowing his pace. "I'm sure they'll be enough pizza left. Besides, there's no telling what Neelix has put on it this time."

Chakotay stopped suddenly at that thought, his brow knitting in concern. "Maybe mushrooms," he said hopefully.

"Or it could be leola root," Kathryn ventured.

And Chakotay's eyes grew large at the idea. "No," he said forcefully, continuing on, "no leola root."

"Well, maybe Tom convinced him to forego the leola root for more palatable choices."

"Yeah, like mushrooms," he grinned, quickening his pace again.

Kathryn smiled. Despite his earlier frustration, he was like this most of the time - positive, hopeful, trusting - almost childlike in his innocence. She wanted to shield him from every possible disappointment - data padds that didn't do what he wanted them to, unwanted pizza ingredients, the glances from concerned crew members. They meant well, and it's not like they stared, but Kathryn saw the look in their eyes - that knowledge that Chakotay wasn't who he had been and may never be that man again. But as they entered the mess hall, she tried to push those concerns away - except for the pizza; mushrooms did sound a lot better than leola root.

~vVv~


	2. Chapter 2

Tom and B'Elanna were seated next to the viewport, and Chakotay pulled Kathryn over to their table before going to the serving line.

"Glad you could make it," Tom greeted, lifting a crust of pizza into the air. "Neelix has outdone himself tonight."

"Tom's right," B'Elanna agreed. "It's better than edible; it's actually good."

Chakotay let go of Kathryn's hand and squared his shoulders. "Tom…" he released a heavy sigh, "I'm sorry I got mad… and yelled at you and threw… the padd. I was…" Kathryn could see him searching for the words. "…frustrated. But I'm gonna… concentrate more, so I can… can control it."

A slow grin spread across Tom's face, and his eyes locked onto Kathryn's for a moment before shifting back to Chakotay. "Apology accepted." He stood up and wrapped his arm around Chakotay's shoulders. "Now let's you and I go get some pizza - mushroom and pineapple - and not a hint of leola root."

Chakotay grinned and looked over at Kathryn in an unspoken request; she nodded silent permission as she sank into an empty chair. "Bring me a couple of slices. I'll stay with B'Elanna."

She watched as Tom steered them through the crowd - more people than usual, she noted. She'd have to commend Neelix for his dinner menu. Pizza always seemed to lift the crew's morale.

She felt B'Elanna's fingers brush against her hand and then give a gentle squeeze - and Kathryn glanced over at her.

"He's all right?" she asked quietly. "Tom told me about the data padd."

Kathryn nodded. "I've probably broken a few of those myself."

B'Elanna gave a snort of laughter. "Don't look at me. I just break noses."

And Kathryn sighed. "Please don't tell him that story - at least, not yet. I don't want to give him any ideas."

"Don't worry. I won't." She shook her head. "But I will never forget the look on his face the day that I broke Joe's nose. He came to my quarters, and I…" She laughed out loud. "I threw something at him. Well, not at him, he just happened to open the door at the wrong time."

"Exactly what happened to me." She wagged a finger at her chief engineer. "Subconsciously he learned that from you."

B'Elanna threw up her hands. "I take no responsibility for flying objects… just _Voyager_." She gazed across the mess hall to where Tom and Chakotay were standing at the counter, and her expression sobered. "So, did you tell him to apologize to Tom?"

Kathryn didn't have to follow B'Elanna's gaze; she hadn't taken her eyes off her husband since they'd entered the room. "No, it was all his idea." She blinked at the tears that had suddenly gathered in her eyes. "I'm so proud of him, B'Elanna. Every day, he does something that… surprises me. He learns something or says something. He's working so hard to come back to us."

B'Elanna squeezed her fingers again. "And he's going to come back. All of him." She pushed a napkin into her hand. "Here."

Quickly, Kathryn turned toward the viewport and dabbed at her eyes. She and B'Elanna had an unspoken rule between them - no tears in front of Chakotay. And now he and Tom were threading their way back to the table, each holding a plate piled high with pizza slices.

Kathryn laughed. "Did you leave some for the others?"

Chakotay nodded as he sat in the chair next to her. "Lots left." He set the plate he was holding in front of Kathryn. "I got you two pieces. That's a couple," he explained, remembering her exact words.

"That is a couple," she agreed.

Tom set his plate in front of Chakotay. There were at least five slices of pizza piled on top of it.

Kathryn's eyes widened. "How many are you going to eat?" she exclaimed.

Before Chakotay could answer, Tom reached over and grabbed the top two pieces. "This couple is for us," he smirked, dropping a slice on B'Elanna's plate and another on top of his. "That leaves three for the big guy."

Chakotay grinned. Kathryn knew he loved it when Tom called him that.

"Thanks, kind sir," B'Elanna laughed.

And Tom leaned over and kissed her. "Anything for you, sweetheart."

"Excuse me," Kathryn coughed. "I'm trying to eat here."

"Don't let us stop you, Captain," Tom smiled, kissing his wife again.

Kathryn shook her head and took a bite.

"It's good," Chakotay mumbled with his mouth full. "Stop kissing B'Elanna and eat."

For half a second, there was silence, and then they all three burst out laughing. Chakotay just looked up with a smile on his face and then he joined in the laughter, too.

~vVv~


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Thanks for reading and reviewing!

It was a good meal, a good time with friends, a chance to relax and forget for a while that she was "the captain." Tom kept them entertained with stories and jokes and memories. He told about some unforgettable away missions that some of them had actually tried to forget.

"And then the Assistant Supreme Adjunct Counsel insisted that we both wear the ceremonial togas." He leaned toward Chakotay. "And I'm sure you know this by now, Captain, but this guy has the best knees of anyone on the crew."

Chakotay grinned. He knew he was part of the story even though he couldn't remember this one. Most of the time, when Tom was telling stories, Chakotay had no memory of the details. But sometimes, he'd say something that seemed familiar, and a fleeting image would be there in his mind, and he'd remember.

Kathryn watched Chakotay as each story unfolded. The Doctor had assured her that Tom's storytelling would probably do more good than harm, so she was glad when they found time to reminisce.

"Oh, I don't know, Lieutenant," she pursed her lips in thought, "I don't think you've seen my knees."

Tom, who had just taken a sip of his beer, sputtered. "Well, no ma'am, I don't think I have."

"At ease, Mr. Paris," Kathryn laughed. "Truth be told, you're right. My knees can't hold a candle to Chakotay's." She glanced over at her husband and noticed his grin slip into a yawn. "And as much as I'd like to remember how this mission turned out, I think it's getting late." She placed her hand on Chakotay's arm. "And you have a holodeck date in the morning."

Chakotay looked over at B'Elanna. "Hoverball?"

"You got it, old man, but you have to let me win a few rounds, okay?"

He smiled. "Okay."

Kathryn stood up and held her hand out to Chakotay. He slipped his hand into hers, and they said their goodnights, then headed out of the mess hall, into the corridor, and toward the turbolift. When they were a few meters away, they heard voices coming from around the bend in the corridor.

"It was good to see Commander Chakotay out tonight," the first voice commented.

"He seems to be getting better," the second voice added.

"Yeah, but he's still got a long way to go. Just when I think he's the commander, he says something or does something that reminds me that…" The voice trailed off.

"Hey, brain damage isn't something you can fix overnight."

And then the voices were gone, receding farther down the corridor away from them.

They had stopped at the turbolift, and Kathryn looked over at Chakotay, immediately feeling the tension in his grasp.

And then he let go of her hand and pulled away, as if separating himself from the words that now hung unspoken between them, shards of glass in a broken window. They were such hard words - brain damage; she'd never used them to explain his injury, telling him instead that he'd had an accident, that he'd hurt his head, that he was getting better, that soon he would be all right. But brain damage sounded harsh, permanent - the words frightened her, and she didn't want to frighten him. But they were there now; he'd heard them, she was sure of that. He'd heard his name; he knew that they were talking about him.

"Chakotay?" She reached for his hand, but just at that moment, the turbolift doors opened and he stepped in ahead of her, turning to face the front, not looking at her. She stepped in next to him. "Deck 3, section 6," she intoned, and let the rest of their short journey pass in silence.

~vVv~


	4. Chapter 4

When they reached their quarters, Chakotay went in and sat down on the couch. He still didn't look at her; he just sat there, his eyes seemingly focused on his knees. But she knew they had to talk; they had to find a way to reach past the sharp edges of the words that she'd never spoken. She went over and sat on the coffee table in front of him, their knees touching. "You heard what they said."

He nodded, but he didn't look up. She reached out and touched her fingers to his chin, raised his head, met his gaze. "What… does it mean? Brain damage?" he whispered.

She breathed in a deep breath, rubbed his cheek, let her fingers rest against the strong jaw line. "It's what happened to you."

"In Engineering?"

She nodded. "When you had your accident."

"I hurt my head," he said softly, echoing the words she'd said before.

"That's right. There was… an explosion, and you were thrown against the wall." She brushed her fingers through his hair, allowing her hand to rest on the back of his neck. "You hit the wall so hard that… it hurt your head, Chakotay. And inside your head is-"

"My brain," he finished her sentence.

She nodded. "Yes. And it was hurt - it was damaged. But the Doctor is doing everything he can to make it better. And you're doing everything you can. I was just telling B'Elanna at dinner how hard you're working, how much you're learning. You're getting better."

He lowered his head, not wanting to look at her. "I'm not."

"Yes, you are." She tried to raise his head again, her fingers pressed gently to his chin, but he pulled away from her, getting up from the couch and crossing the room.

"No, I'm not," he choked out the words, and Kathryn could hear the tears in his voice. "I can't… be him. I can't read, or work the computer, or…" He looked up at her, tears dripping off his cheeks. "I can't even button my shirt. You have to do it."

She went over to him quickly and took his hands in hers. "You are learning all of those things. And you're not thinking about all the things you've already learned. Right after your accident, you couldn't walk, you could barely speak, you… couldn't get dressed at all. So now, buttons still give you some trouble - they probably won't by next week. And you can work some of the computer programs. And Tom told me that you're reading some words. Soon you'll be reading them all." She raised her hands and cupped his face in her palms, her fingers brushing gently at the warm tears. "You are getting better, Chakotay. And, yes, brain damage sounds scary - the words frighten me - but they don't stop me, and you can't let them stop you."

She watched him struggle to control his tears, his lower lip held tightly in his teeth, his breaths coming in quiet, halting gasps. She continued to rub her fingers over his cheeks, soft, soothing strokes. He lowered his eyes from her steady gaze.

"I don't know how to be him… I try, but…" He shook his head in her grasp. "Everything gets… confused. Sometimes, I remember and then… I don't." He rubbed his hand up over his head. "It's because I'm… brain damaged?"

Kathryn took in a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. "That's right, Chakotay. It's because of the brain damage. That's why you have trouble remembering and learning. It's why," she wiped at the wetness on his face, "these tears come so easily sometimes."

More confusion seemed to shadow his eyes. "I didn't used to cry?"

She shook her head and gave him a soft smile. "Not as much." She lowered her hands to his arms and gently pulled him over to the couch. He sat down beside her. "You cried when we got married."

"I did?" He turned and looked out the viewport. "I don't remember. Was I… frustrated?"

Kathryn laughed gently. "Oh, no, I don't think so. You were happy. We both were." She turned his face back to her. "Sometimes people cry when they're happy."

Chakotay swallowed roughly, his eyes cloudy. "I'm not happy right now."

"I know." Kathryn wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a tight embrace. "It's all right to be sad." She felt his head settle on her shoulder, heavy and warm.

"I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely.

"Why?"

"Because I make you sad."

She strengthened her hold on him. "Oh, no Chakotay, you could never make me sad." She kissed his forehead. "You make me happy every day."

He sniffled and rubbed his hand up over his eyes, wiping at the tears. "Even… when I throw things?"

Kathryn laughed again and ran her fingers through the strands of his hair. "Even then." She drew away slightly and looked into his eyes. "I love you, Chakotay. And there is nothing that you could ever do that can change that."

She pulled him back into her embrace.

"I love you, too," he breathed as his body relaxed into hers.

And she held him, for a long time, gently rocking him until she felt the pattern of his breathing change, and she knew he was falling asleep.

"Hey," she whispered as she ran her hand over his forehead and down along his cheek, "why don't we get our pajamas on and go to bed?"

He blinked up at her, his eyes still wet with tears. "'m not sleepy," he murmured, resisting her suggestion.

"Well, I am," she said firmly. "And I don't like to sleep alone."

Reluctantly, Chakotay nodded and pulled away from her arms. He rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes, frowned at the wetness. He didn't like to cry; it made his head hurt. Kathryn gently ran her fingers through his hair. "Go on, now. Get into you pajamas, and I'll make us some hot chocolate."

He looked up at her, a slight grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. "With marshmallows?"

"Of course with marshmallows," she smiled, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead before pushing him up off the couch. "Now, go. Call if you need help."

He headed toward the bedroom. "I can do it," he assured her. "Just t-shirt and sweats – no buttons."

"We'll work on buttons tomorrow," she promised.

~vVv~


	5. Chapter 5

He was sleeping now – on his stomach, his head pushed over onto her pillow, mouth half open, each deep breath warm against her cheek. She lay on her side next to him, her face close to his. They'd both had hot chocolate, and she'd told him a story, rubbed his back – new routines. Still, for her, sleep didn't come, but the memories did. And she remembered that day…

_When the red alert sounded, she went to the bridge, and he headed toward Engineering, a brush of their hands and a quick glance conveying the words they'd never say: _Be careful. I love you. Come back to me. _It was moments like these that had caused her to resist his proposal six months earlier – saying that there were too many dangers inherent in their situation, that she couldn't risk losing him, that she didn't know if she'd be able to send him on away missions when there was the possibility of him being hurt or killed or simply never returning to her. And he'd listened patiently before confronting her with what they both knew was the truth – she was doing that already and being married wouldn't change it. And she knew he was right. So a week later, when he asked again, she'd said yes._

_Just last night, they'd celebrated their half-year anniversary – a moonlit sail on Lake George, a bottle of champagne, a long night of making love._

_Now, she was on her way to the bridge, and Chakotay to Engineering, to face one of those inherent dangers; the ship had just been rocked by a gravimetric surge and the warp core was destabilizing. _

_As she entered the turbolift, she touched the gold band on the third finger of her left hand…_

_The crew was working with quiet efficiency when she stepped onto the bridge. "Report," she instructed as her eyes scanned the viewscreen._

"_A spatial rift is opening directly in front of us," Seven responded. "It's emitting high levels of neutrinos and chronotons."_

"_Inertial dampeners are overloading," Harry reported as the ship shook again._

_Kathryn stared at the swirl of light and energy on the screen before her, watched as the rift widened, saw the plasma surges as they lashed out and wrapped around the ship. She held to the railing as she made her way down to the lower deck, felt the ship rock again…_

_And then it was gone, closing rapidly and leaving calm space where it had once been. _

_Kathryn blinked, glanced over at Harry, then back at Seven. "What was that?"_

_Seven's fingers flew over the console in front of her, and she read the results. "According to these readings, it appears to have been some sort of temporal anomaly." She looked up. "But it's gone now."_

"_Just like that?" Kathryn questioned._

_Seven nodded. "Yes."_

"_Bridge to Engineering," Kathryn's voice opened a link. "B'Elanna, report."_

_There was no response._

"_Lieutenant Torres, report."_

_This time there was a crackle over the comm system, laced with heavy interference. And then B'Elanna's voice, breathless and harsh. "We almost lost containment, but it's stabilized now. That last jolt of energy hit the core hard…" She hesitated. Kathryn heard it, as did the entire bridge crew. When she spoke, her voice was rough. "Commander Chakotay was hit with a plasma discharge. He's been transported to Sickbay."_

_~vVv~_

_Tuvok kept pace with her every step of the way, and he assured her that Chakotay was in the Doctor's capable hands. Kathryn only nodded her appreciation of the fact. She didn't trust her voice at the moment, and was even less sure of her ability to speak when she entered Sickbay several minutes later and saw Chakotay lying on a biobed, Tom and the Doctor leaning over him._

_She took a step forward, and then felt as if someone had physically kicked her in the stomach when she saw his chest and head. He was still bleeding profusely from several lacerations on his cheeks, but the Doctor seemed to be ignoring them in favor of a more severe wound to his head. His uniform shirt was torn and charred, and there appeared to be a deep, jagged burn along his left shoulder. Tom was carefully peeling the material back in order to get a better look at the injury._

_Kathryn froze in the middle of the room, not wanting to go any closer, afraid of disturbing the Doctor and Tom. From the corner of her eye, she saw Tuvok come to a halt beside her. And then, ever so lightly, she felt his hand reach out and touch her arm. They stood there for the next ten minutes, silent, waiting. And then the flurry of activity surrounding the first officer slowed, and the Doctor stepped back. He nodded to Tom, and then turned toward the captain and walked over to her._

"_He's stable now. Still unconscious, but in no immediate danger."_

_Kathryn merely nodded._

_And the Doctor continued. "He's received severe trauma to the cranial area. There is some indication of swelling around his brain, but that should gradually lessen during the next few hours."_

_She swallowed. "Swelling?" Her voice was low and brittle with emotion._

_"He's experienced a sudden buildup of blood and fluid due to brain hemorrhage. I've stemmed any further accumulation. Now we just have to wait for the swelling to recede."_

_Kathryn shifted her eyes from the biobed and really looked at the Doctor for the first time. "And then he'll be all right?"_

_The Doctor hesitated with his response, looking up at Tuvok, and then back to the captain. "I cannot guarantee a full recovery at this time. There is the possibility of brain damage."_

_She felt the kick to her stomach again, and gasped at her next breath. Tuvok's hand encircled her arm, supporting her as she swayed slightly on her feet._

_"I can't be sure of any lasting damage until he's conscious. He sustained several lacerations on his face and along his neck, and I've healed those. The wound to his shoulder was rather deep, and although I've repaired the damage, there may be some lingering muscle trauma."_

_Kathryn nodded again, taking in his words and processing them as best she could._

_"I'm not sure when he'll regain consciousness," the Doctor concluded. "but I can call you when he's awake."_

_She shook her head. "No... I'll stay here."_

_She gently pulled her arm from Tuvok's grasp and crossed over to the biobed. Chakotay lay very still. His torn uniform had been removed, and he was covered by a thermal blanket. There was no lingering evidence of the cuts that had traced over his cheeks and neck, but Kathryn could still make out a slight scar across his left shoulder. There was a bruise edging his tattoo, and above that she could see where he'd received the worst of his injuries. His dark hair had been cut away, and the wound had been cleaned and closed by one of the Doctor's instruments, but the swelling was there._

_Kathryn drew in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. She reached across Chakotay's bare chest and gently laid her hand on his right shoulder. His skin felt hot and feverish. She wanted to touch his face, but she was afraid she might hurt him._

_"Captain."_

_She looked back. Tom was there. He'd brought a chair for her to sit in while she waited._

_Kathryn nodded her thanks and sat down. She would wait forever if she had to._

_~vVv~_


	6. Chapter 6

_She didn't wait forever, but it felt like it. Five hours later, he was still unconscious and showed no signs of waking._

"_Captain, he's in a comatose state." The Doctor stood beside her. "I don't know if or when he'll regain consciousness." He sighed. "But I do know that you need to get some rest."_

_Kathryn shook her head, strengthened the hold she had on Chakotay's hand. "I'm fine."_

"_You've been here for the past five hours. You're emotionally distraught and exhausted. You are not fine."_

"_And I'm not going anywhere."_

_She heard the Sickbay doors slide open, and she glanced across the room. Tom and B'Elanna. She looked back at the Doctor. He'd called in reinforcements._

_B'Elanna reached her first, touched her hand to her shoulder. "Kathryn, let's go back to your quarters, get something to eat. You can sleep for a few hours."_

_She shook her head again, felt tears burning behind her eyelids._

_Tom reached out and took her other hand in his. She looked up. He stood on the other side of the biobed, his blue eyes filled with love and concern. "B'Elanna's right. You need some food and rest. Then you can come back."_

"_I can't…" she started, her voice dropping off as she felt the tears that she'd been holding spill over onto her cheeks. "I just…" And her voice broke and she started to shake._

_B'Elanna wrapped her arms around her, pulled her in close, held her, let her cry on her shoulder. Tom came around to the other side, held onto her as well. _

_She cried for a long time._

_~vVv~_

_Tom replicated her something to eat while she changed into something more comfortable – not pajamas, but some loose-fitting exercise pants and one of Chakotay's old t-shirts. B'Elanna sat on the edge of the bed and talked to her while she dressed – a one-sided conversation._

"_You'll feel better after you've eaten and slept for a while."_

_Kathryn came out of the bathroom, pulling the oversized shirt down over her head and into place around her hips. She didn't say anything, but cast a doubtful look in B'Elanna's direction._

"_The Doctor gave Tom a hypospray that'll help you sleep if you need it."_

_Kathryn shook her head – not that she didn't think she'd need it, she just didn't want it. She didn't want to be drugged – she wanted to be alert if and when the Doctor called._

_She stopped in front of her dresser, stared at her reflection in the mirror: eyes puffy and red, cheeks flushed, lines creased across her forehead. She looked like hell, and felt worse than that. Quickly, she pulled her hair back into a ponytail and tied a ribbon around it._

"_You and Tom don't have to stay," she said, turning and looking at B'Elanna._

_The younger woman smiled softly, "We want to stay. Keep you company while you eat."_

_Kathryn sighed. "I'm sorry I was so… emotional in Sickbay."_

"_Kathryn." B'Elanna got up and went over to her, taking her hands in hers. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You're allowed to be upset. We're all worried about him." She drew in a deep breath. "But he's a stubborn, bullheaded former Maquis, so…" B'Elanna smiled again, "he's gonna be all right." She squeezed Kathryn's hands. "I know that."_

_Kathryn closed her eyes for a moment, felt herself relax a bit more. Then she returned B'Elanna's smile. "Thanks."_

_And B'Elanna wrapped an arm around her, steered her toward the other room. "Let's go see what Tom has replicated. I'll bet it's tomato soup."_

"_And you'd be right," Tom announced as they walked into the lounge area, having heard B'Elanna's words. "Tomato soup all around," he clarified, as he placed bowls on the dining table. "And cornbread," he added._

_Kathryn reached out and ran her hand over his shoulder, smiled her thanks at him. "Chakotay would like that."_

"_According to the big guy, cornbread is the sixth food group," he chuckled softly, pouring three glasses of water. "Along with mushroom soup, of course."_

"_Of course," Kathryn agreed, settling into one of the chairs, taking a deep breath, trying to calm the residual shaking she felt._

_It was like walking on thin ice – each moment, each breath felt unreal, unsupported – it reminded her of being sick when she was a young girl – everything outside of her little world had ceased to exist and that little world was fragile and uncertain._

_This wasn't happening._

_But she looked across the table at B'Elanna and Tom, and she knew that it was._

_B'Elanna touched her hand, gently pushed a spoon into her fingers. Kathryn sighed, took the spoon and dipped it into her bowl. She raised it to her mouth and sipped at it – warm and flavorful. She gave a slight smile and a nod of approval._

_Tom noticed. "That's Paris tomato soup number thirty-two. It's taken the better part of seven years to perfect the recipe."_

"_And I've tried them all," B'Elanna added. "Trust me – number thirty-two's the best."_

_Kathryn took a few more bites before dropping her spoon back on the table. She leaned back in her chair, saw the concerned expressions staring back at her. "It's good; I'm just not very hungry."_

_B'Elanna reached over and touched her hand again, wrapped her fingers around it, squeezed gently. "Like I said earlier, Kathryn, he's stubborn and he's strong. He's going to wake up, and he'll be just fine."_

_She shook her head. "Even the Doctor's not sure."_

_The expression on B'Elanna's face hardened. "The Doctor hasn't seen him fight his way back after being held prisoner by the Cardassians for three weeks. I have." She swallowed, glanced away for a moment, then settled her eyes back on Kathryn. "Has he ever told you?"_

_Kathryn nodded. "Some." But not much – she knew he didn't want to frighten her or bring back her own memories of the Cardassians._

"_A lesser man wouldn't have made it. He did." She tightened her hand around Kathryn's. "And he will this time, too." He has to, she added in her own mind, glancing over at Tom._

_He was watching them, not eating, just breaking apart pieces of cornbread on his plate. B'Elanna could see that he was thinking. And then he spoke. "They say that people in a coma can sometimes know when others are around them – they can hear them, sense their presence." He smiled at Kathryn. "You get a few hours' sleep, and I'll go keep watch with the Doctor. Then you and B'Elanna can join us later."_

_Kathryn started to protest, wanting to be back with him, to talk to him and hold his hand, run her fingers over his skin._

"_You won't be any good to him - or this ship - if you don't get some rest." Tom's voice was harder now, and Kathryn hadn't missed the mention of the ship. She stared into Tom's eyes. And he knew that those were the only two things that would get through to her – her love for Chakotay and her devotion to _Voyager_._

~vVv~

Her eyes blinked open, and she realized that she'd fallen asleep – what had been memories had turned into dreams – the day he'd been injured, and the beginning of the four days that he'd been in a coma. She had gotten some rest that night – not much, but a few hours. B'Elanna had stayed with her while Tom had gone to Sickbay.

Over the next four days, they'd worked out a schedule – Chakotay was never alone, there was always someone with him – Tom, B'Elanna, Neelix, Harry, Tuvok, Mike, Samantha, Dalby, Gerron – colleagues and friends with stories to tell and memories to recount.

But she was there most of the time – holding his hand, running her fingers through his hair, telling him about ship's business and everyday happenings, remembering shore leaves, and gatherings, and their time on New Earth – good memories, future hopes, tomorrow's dreams.

He stirred beside her now, eyes opening lazily in the dim light of their bedroom. He licked his lips, pushed closer to her. "Kathryn?"

She touched her palm to his cheek. "Shh, go back to sleep."

He yawned and stretched – a big cat waking up she sometimes teased – and turned over on his back, stared up at the ceiling, then back at her. "You're awake."

"Just thinking."

"'bout what?"

"How much I love you." She rolled toward him, kissed his cheek. "Now, close your eyes." And he did. "Sweet dreams."

And he smiled. "You, too."

~vVv~


	7. Chapter 7

"Three more bites," Kathryn instructed, gazing across the table at the half-empty bowl of oatmeal.

It was all she could do to suppress a smile when Chakotay gave an audible groan and shrugged his shoulders in exasperation.

"You're going to play hoverball," she reasoned. "You need to eat a good breakfast."

"I ate," he argued, pushing his spoon into what was by now cold oatmeal; he'd been taking his time eating.

"All of it," she insisted. "The orange juice, too."

Another groan.

And this time she had to cover her mouth with her hand to hide her smile.

Chakotay glared at her, but her expression was unyielding.

"You know what the Doctor says – breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

And he grimaced as he took another bite of the oatmeal, spoke with his mouth full. "He doesn't even eat," he muttered, chewing slowly.

"Yes, well, sometimes we have to do as the Doctor says, and not as he does," Kathryn laughed. "He does know best." She picked up her cup and took another sip of coffee, inhaling the deep aroma appreciatively.

Chakotay watched her as he took another bite. Kathryn loved coffee. He knew that. And sometimes she'd let him have some – with lots of cream and sugar – sweet – not black the way she drank it. He'd tasted hers once – it was bitter. Most of the time he liked tea or hot chocolate.

But not oatmeal – at least, not this morning. With a heavy sigh, he pushed the bowl away from him, eying Kathryn carefully to see what she'd say. He'd eaten almost all of it, except for a bite or two. She raised an eyebrow as she studied the remaining contents of the bowl. He pushed his fingers restlessly against the tabletop, toyed with the spoon in his other hand, waiting.

She pursed her lips. He knew that look. And he dropped his spoon, stubbornly crossed his arms across his chest. "I don't want anymore," he declared, chin jutting out slightly.

And Kathryn sighed. She wasn't going to quibble over the last few bites. "Fine." She nodded toward the bedroom. "If you're finished, go get dressed." He was still in his pajamas. "B'Elanna will be here soon."

He sat for a moment, half expecting her to change her mind. When she didn't, he picked up his glass, downed the rest of his orange juice, then pushed back from the table and escaped into the bedroom before she reconsidered.

Kathryn stifled a laugh, took another long sip of coffee, and then set about clearing the table. She tried to let him have his way some of the time – but not all of the time. All of the time, and they'd be eating pizza for breakfast.

As she was placing the dishes in the recycler, the chime sounded. "Come in," she called, turning to greet B'Elanna as she came through the door.

"I hope I'm not too early," she smiled.

"Not at all," Kathryn assured, waving a hand toward the couch. "You might as well have a seat, though." She tilted her head toward the other room. "He's still getting dressed."

B'Elanna nodded, understanding – getting dressed wasn't always a fast process and sometimes he still needed help. She settled on the couch.

"I'll go check on him," Kathryn added, heading into the bedroom.

Chakotay had shed his sweatpants and was pulling his t-shirt off over his head. Kathryn sat down on the edge of the bed, smiled up at him when the shirt was finally removed and his face was uncovered. He stood before her in only his boxers.

"Shorts," he announced, turning toward the dresser and pulling open a bottom drawer. He searched through it and found a pair of gray shorts. Two drawers up, he found a black t-shirt to go with them. Moving back closer to the bed, he let Kathryn hold the t-shirt while he stepped into the shorts and pulled them up around his waist. Then he stayed very still while she stood and pulled the t-shirt over his head. He could do it himself, but sometimes he let her help.

She smoothed the fabric over his shoulders. "You take a bath when you get back," she informed him.

And he frowned, stared down at the floor.

She smiled, knowing what he was thinking.

"B'Elanna's taking you to play hoverball, but Tom's bringing you home. Let him help." He looked back up, relief evident in his expression. "Afterwards, you can meet me for lunch in the mess hall."

"Okay."

She pushed him gently down onto the side of the bed. "Sit, and I'll get your socks and shoes."

He sat patiently while she knelt down and pulled the socks into place, laughing softly as her fingers brushed over the soles of his feet. "You're ticklish," she smiled up at him, and he shook his head in denial.

"Am not," he insisted, pushing his feet into the shoes she set before him, and waiting while she tied the laces – another thing he couldn't do, he thought, watching as she looped the strings and tightened them.

And she looked up, read his thoughts. "You and Tom can practice later," she said, patting his knee as she stood back up.

He just nodded, grabbed hold of the hand she instinctively offered him, followed her into the next room.

"Hey, old man," B'Elanna greeted him, getting up from the couch. "You ready?"

"Yeah," he grinned. "Ready to beat you at hoverball."

And B'Elanna laughed at his assertion. "Someone's feeling cocky this morning." She rolled her eyes in Kathryn's direction.

And she smiled back. "Tell me about it. Someone wouldn't finish his oatmeal either."

She was teasing, but Chakotay heard her words and was suddenly unsure. The grin on his face faded, and he turned toward her. "I'm sorry, Kathryn."

The apology caught her off guard, and she reached out and touched her hand to his cheek, saw the sudden look of concern on his face. "For what?"

He shook his head. "I didn't… finish my breakfast."

She released a deep breath, smiled at him. "Oh, Chakotay, I was just teasing. I'm not mad. You ate almost all of it." She rubbed her fingers along his cheekbone, up over the lines of his tattoo. Leaning closer, she pressed a kiss to his forehead. "You go with B'Elanna now. Have fun."

She felt him nod his head before she pulled back, gazed into his eyes, a hint of concern still evident in their brown depths. "I mean it. Don't you worry about a thing – just… let B'Elanna win a few rounds."

And he smiled, tentatively, the corners of his lips turning up. He nodded again. "I will."

And Kathryn knew it was a promise.

~vVv~


	8. Chapter 8

B'Elanna let him win two of the games, and then she let him think that he'd let her win at least one. Before his injury, they were fairly evenly matched, each winning an equal number of games on any given day. She remembered how he'd like to needle her whenever she was ahead, saying that he was simply lulling her into a false sense of security, vowing to win the next couple of points while she tensed up – a feeble attempt at reverse psychology she would counter, claiming that he tensed up whenever she was winning.

But neither of them tensed up now.

It wasn't a competition.

It was supposed to be fun.

And usually it was.

Their first few games had been a bit frustrating for him, as he relearned the rules and the basic moves. But unlike some routines, hoverball actually came back to him relatively easily. The Doctor said it had to do with the physicality of the game – it was his body remembering the motions, not his mind. And he played with all his strength and will, throwing himself into the game, giving it all he had.

She made sure that he never suspected that she was letting him win.

And the ease with which she did it never let her forget that he wasn't the same.

Three games was their limit – and that took a lot out of him.

He sank down on the bench, and B'Elanna handed him a towel, watched as he mopped the sweat from his face. Despite the heavy breaths and flushed cheeks, he was smiling – he liked the challenge, the action.

"We have… to play… another game," he managed between gasps of air.

And B'Elanna just stared at him; she was breathing deeply herself and was realizing that three games took a lot out of her these days, too. She just shook her head – she had no strength for another game and no time – she had a scheduled meeting in Engineering in about fifteen minutes.

Still, Chakotay insisted. "We have to."

And B'Elanna took a breath and responded. "Why?"

"I promised… Kathryn. I'd let you… win a few." He frowned slightly. "One's not a few."

She sighed and sat down beside him. "But one's enough." She laid her hand on his back, could feel his heart still beating hard, each breath deep, filling his lungs. "Just tell Kathryn I wasn't up for another game." And that would be the truth, she silently admitted. She always referred to Chakotay as "old man," but she was feeling it herself these days. "We'll play again later in the week. You can let me win more games then."

He nodded, lowered his head, then looked up when the holodeck doors slid open. Tom walked in.

"So, who beat who?" he inquired, crossing over to where they were sitting.

"Two to one," B'Elanna answered, tilting her head up to receive the kiss that Tom gave her, lips pressing warm and soft against hers – a slow, sensual kiss that lingered for several long moments. Exercise always heightened her desire – most of her hoverball games with Tom turned into physical exercise of quite a different sort.

Sensing her feelings, Tom pulled back slightly, whispered in her ear. "Later."

And she just nodded, glancing over at Chakotay, seeing that he was watching them intently. She shook her head and smiled at him. "Yeah, the old man here won two and let me win one."

"Taught him everything I know," Tom claimed, clapping a hand to his shoulder.

"About hoverball?" B'Elanna laughed.

"About everything," he replied.

And her laughter faded as she realized how telling his words were. Over the past few weeks, Tom had literally tried to teach him everything – how to talk, walk, eat, dress, read, write – even play hoverball. And he'd come a long way – but still had so far to go.

"Good job, helmboy," she sighed, standing up and pressing a kiss to his cheek. Then she leaned over and kissed Chakotay's forehead. "You, too, old man. But I gotta go. Meeting in Engineering."

"Lunch?" Tom asked as she turned to leave, catching her hand, pulling her back around.

"Late lunch," she promised, leaning back in with another kiss to his lips, then breathed, "Later."

And then she was gone, the holodeck doors groaning closed behind her.

Tom turned back to Chakotay. He was smiling up at him, somewhat shyly.

"What?" he questioned the look on the older man's face.

"You kiss B'Elanna. A lot," Chakotay said quietly.

And Tom smiled. "She's my wife." Then reaching out, he took hold of Chakotay's arm and pulled him up. "Let's go, big guy. You need a bath."

~vVv~

Tom had helped him out of his clothes and into the bathtub, and now Chakotay was leaning back comfortably in the bubble-covered water while Tom sat perched on the edge. He'd handed him a washcloth, instructed him to use it, but Chakotay was much more interested in pushing the mountains of bubbles around on the surface of the water – like floating icebergs.

"Finish bathing, Chakotay, then I'll wash your back."

Chakotay sighed, found the washcloth under the water, and rubbed it over his arms and down along his legs. He liked showers better, but the last time he took one he'd almost fallen, and Tom had gotten soaking wet trying to hold him up under the spray. After that, Kathryn always made him take a bath. "I may not be able to catch you if you fall," she'd said. And he knew she was right; he was a lot bigger than Kathryn. She was small, and slim, and her eyes were blue, and her hair was so soft.

He shifted in the water, pushed at the bubbles again, dropped his washcloth, and stared up at Tom.

"Kathryn's my wife."

It was a simple statement, but unexpected, and Tom blinked at him, not sure what to say, then settled on a simple confirmation.

"Yes. Kathryn's your wife."

Chakotay was silent for a few moments. And then, "You kiss B'Elanna." The same words he'd said in the holodeck.

Tom nodded.

"She's your wife."

And Tom smiled. "Yes, she is." He watched as Chakotay nervously ran his hand along the edge of the tub, fingers rubbing hard against the tile, his gaze dropping.

"Chakotay… do you want to kiss Kathryn?"

He saw him flinch slightly, then raise his head, his eyes locking onto Tom's. He nodded.

And Tom let go of the breath he'd been holding. He could see the doubt in Chakotay's eyes, the concern that he'd said too much. He hurried to reassure him. "It's all right, Chakotay. She's your wife."

"She… she kisses me… on the cheek or on my head, but…" His voice trailed off.

"But what?" Tom pressed gently.

"She… doesn't kiss me… like you kiss B'Elanna."

Tom hesitated, then sighed softly. "You mean… on the lips?"

And Chakotay nodded again, his eyes lowering.

"You know… you can talk to Kathryn about this."

Chakotay shook his head.

"Sure you can." Tom slid off the edge of the tub, sat down on the floor closer to him, placed a hand on his arm. "You can talk to Kathryn about anything. She loves you."

And Chakotay sighed, a heavy exhalation of breath, his shoulders rising and falling; he shook his head, defeated.

"Why not?" Tom asked.

"I'm not him," Chakotay replied, looking back up.

Tom could see tears in his eyes. He ran his hand up Chakotay's arm, rubbed at his shoulder. "You're still the man she loves. You know that. She tells you every day."

Another nod.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Tom offered.

And he shook his head, quick and hard, his hand tightening around the edge of the tub.

"Then you need to say something. You don't want to hide what you're feeling. I tell B'Elanna everything." He smiled. "Trust me; it's easier that way. Don't keep secrets from the wife."

Chakotay chewed on his lower lip for a moment, then brushed his hand over his eyes, wiped away the tears. "I'll… tell her," he promised. "I don't wanna… keep secrets."

"Good," Tom encouraged him, squeezing the tight shoulder muscle beneath his fingers, massaging it gently. "Now… hand me that washcloth."

And Chakotay found it under the water, gave it to him, let him wash his back. And as Tom rubbed the cloth over his shoulders, he thought that maybe he should let him talk to Kathryn – Tom was better with words than he was.

But Kathryn was his wife, not Tom's.

~vVv~


	9. Chapter 9

"You don't have to wear these," Tom sighed, staring at the untied laces.

Chakotay sat on the floor beside him. He was dressed in a pair of brown trousers and a light blue shirt, which Tom had buttoned for him. But he was determined to tie the shoes.

"Show me again," he insisted, tugging at one of the thin laces.

And Tom pulled them slightly, looped one into a half circle, wrapped the other around it, under, in, and through, and then tight.

Chakotay watched.

"Now – you do the other one," Tom suggested, starting out by looping it for him.

And Chakotay tried, brow creased in concentration, large fingers pushing and pulling, trying to copy Tom's exact movements – with no luck.

Tom reached in and tied the shoe for him, brushed his fingers over the back of Chakotay's hand. "We'll work on it later," he promised, "but right now you need to meet Kathryn for lunch."

Chakotay looked up at him, eyes bright with unshed tears.

"Hey," Tom touched his face. "You'll get it. It may take a while, but you will - just like you're going to get those buttons."

The older man looked at him doubtfully, but drew in a deep breath and nodded, tried to smile. He didn't want Kathryn to know that he was upset; she had enough to worry about. She was the captain.

He knew what that meant. He'd been to the bridge and her ready room, knew that she was in charge and responsible for everyone on _Voyager_, not just him. And she worked a lot, even when she came home in the evening. Sometimes, she'd sit at her desk for hours, working on reports and reviewing ship's business. And he'd watch, but he didn't understand. He was just now beginning to remember some of the words that Tom was teaching him, but he couldn't really read. He wished he could. At night, when it was time for bed, Kathryn would read to him – stories about other planets and animals and a tree named Trevis that talked. But she never read her reports; she never really talked about work.

He knew she didn't want to worry him.

"Chakotay?" Tom got his attention, and he blinked over at him. "Where were you?"

He shrugged. "Right here."

And Tom smiled. "I know you're here, but what were you thinking about?"

He just shook his head. "Nothing."

Tom stood and headed towards the door. "Well, I'm thinking about lunch, so let's get going."

And Chakotay pushed himself up off the floor and followed Tom out into the corridor.

~vVv~

Lunch was good – tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Tom's favorites, but he didn't stay, saying that he would eat later with B'Elanna and after he and Chakotay finished their afternoon therapy session. He would meet Chakotay back at his quarters after he and Kathryn were finished. But first, Kathryn wanted to take a walk on the holodeck.

And so, Chakotay looked around as the doors closed behind them. It was a park they'd gone to before. Kathryn called it the Golden Gate Park; she said it was in San Francisco, which was where Starfleet Headquarters was located. They'd been here before. Kathryn liked to stand on the edge and gaze out into the bay, watch the seagulls swooping in the blue sky and the sunlight dazzling on the water. Chakotay liked it, too. Sometimes he threw breadcrumbs out across the water for the birds, but there were no breadcrumbs today.

Besides, he wasn't interested in birds. He wanted to talk to Kathryn.

He took her hand and led her over to a bench that faced onto the bay. She went with him, a little surprised that he'd taken the initiative. Usually, it was the other way around – Chakotay going where she went.

"This is a good place to sit," she observed as he settled beside her.

He nodded. "It's nice."

And it was. The sun was warm, but not hot, and a gentle breeze blew softly, feathering around her in gentle gusts. She looked down and smiled at their joined hands. He hadn't let go, and she rubbed her fingers over his.

"How was hoverball?" she asked, and saw him wince slightly. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "B'Elanna lets me win," he said bluntly, his eyes cast downward toward his knees.

And Kathryn drew in a quick breath; she knew B'Elanna let him win, but she didn't think that he knew. "Do you really think so?"

Another nod of his head and words of affirmation followed. "Yes. She tries to not let me know, but I can tell."

Kathryn tightened her hand around his. "She cares about you."

"I know. But… if I win, I want to win on my own."

"Then you can tell her that," Kathryn suggested.

And Chakotay sighed. There were too many things to tell people, but maybe he would… later. Right now, he remembered what Tom had said – no secrets.

"Kathryn?" She felt his hand twist in hers, not pull away, just move, his palm growing warm and moist.

"Yes?"

"You're my wife." And he looked up at her, his eyes dark and shining.

And she smiled. "Yes, I am."

He took in a deep breath and sighed again. "We're married."

"That's right. We had a wedding, but…"

He frowned slightly. "I don't remember all of it."

She lifted her other hand to the back of his neck, smoothed over his hair. "It's all right. The Doctor says some of your memories may come back." She hesitated, thinking about that day. "What do you remember?"

"There were… lots of people. And we… were outside." He looked around. "But not here."

She nodded. "Well, we were on the holodeck, but not in San Francisco." They'd recreated New Earth for their wedding and gotten married under the trees.

A puzzled expression crossed Chakotay's face. "There was… a monkey?"

And Kathryn laughed softly. "You remember a lot more than you think. That was George." She'd never told him about New Earth - now was as good a time as any. "Once, a long time ago, you and I got sick. And the only way we could keep the virus under control was to remain on the planet where we contracted it. We called it New Earth."

"We were alone?"

"That's right – just the two of us." She smiled. "I think… that's where I fell in love with you."

"But we… didn't get married then?"

"No. It took me a little longer to realize just how much I loved you."

"We kissed."

And Kathryn blinked, confused at his words. They'd never kissed on New Earth.

And he saw her confusion.

"At our wedding. We kissed."

He remembered.

She moved her hand and touched his chin, felt tears gathering in her eyes. "We did."

He swallowed and continued. "Tom kisses B'Elanna. She's his wife. You're my wife."

"Chakotay?" Her fingers rubbed up over his cheek.

"Can I… kiss you?"

And in that moment, everything was still and quiet, and waiting.

Kathryn tilted her head slightly, and he leaned forward.

"Yes," she breathed as his lips touched hers.

~vVv~


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:** Thanks for the encouraging reviews!

"I'm not sure I understand. This sounds like wonderful news – he's aware that B'Elanna has been letting him win at hoverball and he wants to kiss his wife." The Doctor looked up at Kathryn where she paced nervously in front of his desk. "Do you not want to kiss your husband?"

She stopped, turned her gaze toward him, and sighed. "No… I mean yes…. I mean… I don't know." She collapsed into the chair beside her. She rubbed her hands over her face, pressed them against her mouth, then dropped them into her lap, fingers knotting together. "It just… caught me by surprise."

"A nice surprise, I hope," the Doctor raised an eyebrow and grinned somewhat slyly.

"Doctor!" She looked sharply at him, then felt her cheeks grow warm at the memory. It had been nice – very gentle and chaste – but nice, feeling his thick, solid lips on hers after almost two months. But as good as it was, there was still something that felt… wrong. "It's just that… I wasn't expecting it." She drew in a deep breath, stared down at her hands entwined in her lap. "You told me that he wasn't really aware of what marriage meant – that he knew me, depended on me, but… I thought that…"

"The romantic side of your relationship was gone," he finished for her.

And she nodded.

"Well, apparently it's not." The expression on his face softened, and the Doctor leaned over the desk toward her. "Kathryn, we want him to progress, remember? We want him to be the man he used to be – and part of that man was an equal, loving partner in your marriage. He's remembering more… and wanting more." He hesitated a moment, and Kathryn looked up at him. "Tom's doing a wonderful job with his therapy, but there are some skills he's going to need to learn from you."

Her eyes grew wide as she interpreted his words. "Doctor…"

He couldn't help but smile. A flustered captain was so rare. But he rushed to reassure her. "Most of those skills will come naturally. Just like hoverball," he added.

And Kathryn reached up and covered her eyes for a moment, was sure that he could see the color rising in her cheeks.

"I'm your doctor," he reminded her. "There's no need to be embarrassed. Just basic bodily functions and desires."

She lowered her hand, and he saw the uncertainty in her eyes.

"You do still love him, don't you?"

"Of, course, I do," she hurried to answer, but even she could hear the tone in her voice – hesitant, unsure. "It's just that… for the past two months, I've…"

"Been a caregiver, not a lover," he said succinctly.

And she nodded. And again, he smiled.

"Well, then, Chakotay won't be alone. You'll both be remembering."

~vVv~

He'd kissed her. And it had been nice. Her lips were warm and soft beneath his, and he'd felt her body press into him, her hand tightening around his hand. It seemed like forever, but he knew it had only been a few moments. And then she'd drawn back, smiled softly at him, her fingers still touching his cheek.

He'd felt a little nervous, as if he'd done something wrong. But at the same time, it felt so right, so natural. And he could remember other times he'd kissed her, held her… _He closed his eyes. Sometimes the memories came back hard and fast – jumbled images that he couldn't always sort out – his lips on hers, calloused fingers on soft skin, bed sheets pulling away._

_Kathryn moved her hand to his shoulder, squeezed the tense muscle, felt him relax under her touch. He opened his eyes, stared into hers. "I love you, Kathryn," he breathed._

"_I love you." And she pressed her cheek to his, held him close in her arms._

"Chakotay?"

The voice came from across the table, and he blinked, looked up at Tom.

"You drifted away," Tom laughed. "Must be one hell of a daydream."

Chakotay looked back down, smiled shyly, felt his cheeks flush – which made Tom laugh even more.

"I take it you and Kathryn talked."

He just nodded his head.

And Tom sat back in his chair and grinned. "Well, don't worry. I'm not going to ask you to kiss and tell, but… If you need to ask me anything, you can."

He nodded again, but didn't look up yet. He did have questions, but he wasn't sure how to ask them or if to ask them… or who to ask. He'd talked to Kathryn. And that had worked out just fine. He smiled again at the memory – a new memory to mix in with the jumble of old memories.

"Any time," Tom assured, then pushed the data padd across the table toward him. "But let's get back to work. You've got more words to sound out."

And Chakotay sighed, touched the padd, and watched a word appear. He'd learned all the letters, knew what sounds they made, now he was learning to piece those sounds together. This word started with a _b_; he knew that.

"Buh… oat."

"That's it. Boat." Tom confirmed. "Keep going."

"Buh… ox."

Tom grinned. "Right again. Before you know it, you'll be reading books."

Chakotay glanced over at the shelf where he and Kathryn kept their books. They were old and thick, with millions of words in them. He shook his head. And Tom saw where he was looking.

"We won't start with those books," he assured. "We'll find something a little smaller." And he smiled at his friend. "Just take everything a step at a time, Chakotay. You'll get there."

~vVv~


	11. Chapter 11

Some words were easier than others; some he could sound out and they made sense; some were just difficult. And after a string of hard ones, he was relieved when the entry chime rang.

Tom got up from the table and went over, activated the door, and smiled when he saw who it was. "Well, hello there. What a nice surprise!"

Chakotay was behind him in an instant, peering over his shoulder. It was Neelix and Naomi.

"Good afternoon, Tom, Chakotay," Neelix greeted, one hand resting on Naomi's shoulder. "We hope we're not interrupting, but we were on our way to the holodeck, and we thought we'd see if either of you would like to join us."

"We're going to see Trevis and Flotter," Naomi added.

And Chakotay looked hopefully at Tom.

"Well, I don't know," he hesitated. "You just went to the holodeck after lunch. And you were there this morning with B'Elanna. You know what they say: All play and no work…"

"That's all work and no play," Naomi corrected him with a giggle, knowing he was teasing them.

"All right. We'll both go." And he smiled at the pleased expression on Chakotay's face. "I'd enjoy a little Trevis and Flotter adventure myself. Gotta love that blue guy!" And his smile widened as he watched Naomi take hold of Chakotay's hand and pull him into the corridor, the two of them setting off ahead of him and Neelix. He glanced over at the Talaxian. "I think your date just fell for another man."

Neelix chuckled. "Story of my life!"

"Tell me about it!" Tom agreed, and they hurried to catch up.

~vVv~

An hour later, Kathryn and Samantha found them playing hide and seek among the trees of the Forest of Forever. Well, actually Naomi was hiding, Neelix was seeking, Trevis and Flotter were arguing, and Tom and Chakotay were sitting on a large rock enjoying the view. As they stepped further onto the holodeck, Chakotay looked up and held a finger to his lips, motioning for them to be quiet. Then he pointed across the pond to where Naomi was hiding in the branches of a low-hanging tree. On the other side, up a small hill, Neelix was looking for her and calling out in a sing-song voice, "Naomi, come out, come out wherever you are." In between them, the tree creature and the water nymph were busy throwing insults at each other.

Kathryn smiled at the scene. She suspected that Naomi, who was getting older, was playing along for either Neelix's benefit or Chakotay's, but still, it was a fun adventure to walk in on. They moved over quietly and stood next to Tom and Chakotay, Kathryn's hand instinctively resting on her husband's shoulder. He looked up at her and smiled.

"You're not hiding?" she whispered in his ear.

He shook his head. "Just watching," he murmured.

Tom leaned over. "The real fun is just listening to those two argue." He indicated Trevis and Flotter. "It's like an old-fashioned comedy routine - the Laurel and Hardy of the forest."

"I think termites have riddled your mind," Flotter accused.

"Well, at least I'm not waterlogged," Trevis shot back.

"No, you just seem to be logged," Flotter responded.

Neelix headed down the small hill. "Naomi, Naomi, come out, come out wherever you are."

"Oh, will you just look," Trevis turned toward Neelix. "She's right there!" He pointed to the tree on the other side of the pond. "She's not even camouflaged. Even this water drip could find her!"

Neelix looked up. "There you are," he smiled, circling around the pond. "I win!"

"No fair," Naomi laughed, climbing down from the tree. "You wouldn't have found me if Trevis hadn't told."

"And Trevis will always tell," Flotter complained. "He's always barking about something!"

"And you're always gushing on about one thing or another!"

"Well, you're too hard headed for your own good!"

"And you're a soggy little-"

"Computer, eliminate the characters of Trevis and Flotter," Tom intoned, glancing toward the ceiling.

Instantly, the holograms disappeared.

And Tom grinned. "The comedy routine was definitely heading south."

"Heading south?" Chakotay gave him a puzzled look.

"Going downhill – not as funny anymore."

As Chakotay nodded, Kathryn could see him mentally filing the information away in his mind. Euphemisms were difficult for him to understand.

"I don't like it when they argue so much," Naomi said, coming over and leaning against the back of the rock.

"We could alter their programming," Neelix suggested, joining them as well.

"But then they wouldn't really be Trevis and Flotter," Naomi resisted. "Just because they're holograms, doesn't mean we should just change them whenever we want."

"Naomi's right," Kathryn spoke up, remembering a certain Irish village and a certain barkeeper who was three centimeters taller than he'd originally been programmed. She'd learned her lesson about tampering with holograms.

"Well, maybe we should just take Trevis and Flotter in very small doses," Samantha suggested. She reached out and wrapped an arm around her daughter. "But no more doses today. It's getting late. I'm sure you have some studying to do before dinner."

Naomi shrugged. "A little."

"Anything I can help with?" Neelix offered. "I can spare about ten minutes before I need to get to the mess hall."

Naomi shook her head. "No thanks, Neelix. But what's for dinner?"

And as they exited the holodeck, Neelix launched into a detailed description of the night's menu.

Tom, Kathryn, and Chakotay trailed behind them, half listening to the bill of fare.

"I haven't even eaten lunch yet," Tom laughed.

"Oh, Tom, have we kept you?" Kathryn asked.

"No. B'Elanna and I are on Beta shift this week."

"That's right." Kathryn thought for a moment. "I can talk to Tuvok about the duty roster."

Tom shook his head. "You don't have to. Beta shift actually works out well for us right now. We see more of each other than we normally do." He glanced over at Chakotay. "And it still lets us spend time with the big guy."

He expected to see a grin from Chakotay, but he seemed to be deep in thought and didn't respond. Kathryn noticed it, too. But she didn't say anything.

"Well, you go get some lunch, and we'll think about dinner. Right, Chakotay?" She got his attention, and he looked over at her and nodded.

Still, though, she could tell he was thinking about something.

At the next juncture in the corridor, Samantha, Naomi, and Neelix headed in one direction and Tom in another. Kathryn and Chakotay continued on alone. She reached out and slipped her hand into his.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she said quietly.

He looked up.

"That means what are you thinking?" she explained.

He shrugged. "About holograms."

Kathryn smiled. "About Trevis and Flotter." She knew he liked the stories that she read to him.

But he shook his head. "About what Neelix said. How you could alter their programming."

"You could alter their programming, but then they wouldn't be the same."

They stopped in front of the turbolift and Kathryn pressed the call button. She glanced over at him, could tell that he was still thinking hard about the situation, his eyes focused on the deck beneath him.

She squeezed his hand. "What is it, Chakotay?"

And he looked up at her, took a deep breath. "I wish… I was a hologram."

Her eyes narrowed in confusion.

He released the breath and answered her unspoken question. "Then the Doctor could just alter my programming."

~vVv~


	12. Chapter 12

The fist that wrapped around her heart on most days squeezed a little tighter at his words, and she drew in a quick breath, not wanting to overreact. A part of her wanted to take him in her arms and just hold him, while another part wanted it to be a joke that she could laugh at. But one good look into his eyes told her it wasn't a joke, but a sincere wish.

And so she settled for a reaction that she hoped would be somewhere in between the two extremes.

She squeezed his hand again and gave him a soft smile. "That sounds like a good wish, Chakotay. It would make things easier, wouldn't it?"

He nodded as the lift doors opened and they stepped inside.

"Deck three, section six," she specified, then looked over at him. "You wouldn't have to spend so much time learning to read and write."

"Or tie shoes and button shirts," he added. "The Doctor could just alter my programming, and I'd be me again."

Kathryn drew in another quick breath at the use of the word "me" instead of "him." Chakotay might not have realized it, but it was the first time he'd linked his present self to his former self – definitely a step in the right direction – he wasn't trying to become someone else, he was just longing to be himself.

"I wish life could be that easy," Kathryn continued. "Then we could just lay in a course for home and be back in a blink of an eye."

They'd talked about their journey. He knew they were trying to get back to Earth, a place that he had fleeting memories of. But it was hard for him to understand; _Voyager_ was the only home he could fully remember.

He looked over at Kathryn. "We are home," he said quietly, hoping to make her feel better. She always seemed a little sad whenever she talked about Earth.

"And you are you, Chakotay." She leaned over and kissed his cheek just as the turbolift doors slid open. "And I happen to love your current programming." She ran her fingers over the smudge of lipstick that she'd left. "So, save your wishes for something else."

"Like horses?"

They stepped into the corridor and headed toward their cabin. "Horses?"

"Tom's always saying if wishes were horses then we'd all ride."

"Oh," Kathryn nodded her head. "I see. That's just an old saying that means that if all our wishes came true, then everybody would have everything they needed." She saw him smile at that idea. "But," she added, "if we all had everything we needed, then we'd have nothing to strive for."

They reached their quarters and the door opened.

"Do you know what I mean by that?" she asked as he walked in ahead of her.

"Yeah," he answered with a shrug and an exhausted exhalation of breath. "Sometimes I just get tired of striving."

And this time she did laugh in agreement. "I do, too, Chakotay. Sometimes I do, too."

~vVv~

Tom went by Engineering and found B'Elanna shoulders deep in a Jefferies tube. Luckily, it was routine maintenance and not an emergency, and a few minutes later they were headed toward the mess hall for lunch. Then, Tom would work a six-hour shift on the Bridge before calling it a day at midnight.

Later was looking a lot later with every passing minute, he thought, gazing at B'Elanna as they stood together in the turbolift. She felt his eyes on her and glanced over at him.

"What?" she questioned with her usual touch of irritation.

Her tone made him smile, which made her expression tighten a bit more.

And he sighed. He loved when her ridges got even ridgier. "Just thinking how later later's getting," he answered, and watched as her features softened. He liked that, too.

She leaned into him, and he wrapped an arm around her waist. "Yeah, but I think I'll be up for a midnight snack if you are?"

"Hey, I've always been guilty of snacking between meals," he enthused as the lift stopped. "And I'm not talking popcorn," he added, pulling her close and giving her a quick kiss before they stepped off.

B'Elanna grinned. "I wasn't talking popcorn either." She shook her head. "But this Beta shift is taking a little getting used to."

"I just saw Kathryn on the holodeck. She offered to talk to Tuvok about the duty roster," Tom said as they entered the mess hall. "But I told her that we were actually seeing more of each other than usual."

"Yeah, but we're usually too tired to do anything _more_ than just _see_ each other," she sighed, glancing over at the serving line to see what Neelix had prepared. It wasn't pizza, but it didn't look too bad.

They went over and picked up their trays, then found a table by the viewport and continued their conversation.

"Beta shift, Alpha shift – it's not the shift that makes a difference," Tom said, and she heard what he didn't say between each word.

"It's the extra time we spend with him," B'Elanna voiced, but she knew neither of them regretted a moment of that time.

Tom smiled. "It is making a difference," he alluded, somewhat cryptically.

And B'Elanna looked up from her plate. She knew he was getting better – slowly; there was improvement almost every day. But she wasn't sure what Tom was specifically referring to now. "Spill it, helmboy," she demanded, nudging his leg with her knee under the table.

Tom rolled his eyes. "Well, it's not that he asked a lot of questions today." Some days his questions were incessant, and B'Elanna usually enjoyed hearing Tom regale her with Chakotay's queries of the day. "He just… made a lot of observations."

"Such as?" she pressed.

"Well, Kathryn's his wife. You're my wife. I kiss you. Apparently, a lot."

B'Elanna sighed. "Not enough."

Tom grinned. "Later, remember?" And then he went back to Chakotay. "Besides, for him it's all relative. Finally, I asked him – did he want to kiss Kathryn?"

"And?"

"Seems our boy's growing up."

B'Elanna shook her head and leaned back in her chair. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him that he needed to talk to Kathryn. That he could talk to her about anything. I assured him that she loved him." He saw a soft look pass over B'Elanna's face and he reached over, took her hand in his. "And I told him that he never wanted to keep secrets from the wife."

"I've trained you well, helmboy," B'Elanna smiled, squeezing his hand. "So, did he?"

"What?" He pretended to be confused.

And under the table, she kicked him – none too lightly.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, dropping her hand and reaching down to rub at his knee.

"Did he kiss her?" she asked, her voice dropping lower.

"Well, when he came back after their walk on the holodeck, he did seem a little… pre-occupied. Sort of… daydreamy."

And B'Elanna sighed, shook her head. "We'll never know."

"Not unless… well, someone could speak to someone else… who would know exactly what happened because… well, she would have been there."

Across from him, his wife's eyes widened in understanding, and then she kicked him again.

"B'Elanna!" he hissed.

"I am not about to ask the captain-"

He held up his hands as if innocent. "I didn't say a thing about talking to the captain. I just thought the next time you talk to… Kathryn… the topic might come up."

"Only if she brings it up," B'Elanna stated, turning back to her salad and spearing a Talaxian tomato with her fork. "Which she won't… We've never talked about… kissing."

Tom sighed, picked up his sandwich and took a bite. "Yeah, well, things are different now," he mumbled with his mouth full.

And B'Elanna knew Tom was right. Things were different now.

Chakotay was different.

~vVv~


	13. Chapter 13

Kathryn stared across the table and sighed. He was playing with his food. Oh, he was trying to make it look like he was eating, pushing it around with his fork, hiding green peas under mashed potatoes, broccoli behind his roll. But she knew. He actually hadn't taken a bite in over five minutes and had only sipped at his glass of milk.

He was either sick, or worried, or deep in thought. And after their visit to the holodeck that afternoon, she wasn't sure which one she preferred.

Of course, she didn't want him to be sick. And she didn't like the idea of him worrying. But she could only imagine what he might be thinking – wasn't even sure she wanted her imagination to go too far.

And yet, they couldn't go the rest of their lives avoiding it.

They'd kissed. And they'd said, "I love you." But that was all.

Kathryn had taken him back to their quarters where Tom was waiting for him, and then she'd gone back to work.

They hadn't talked about what they'd done.

And now, Chakotay wasn't sure if he'd done the right thing. And yet, right or wrong, he knew he wanted to do it again.

All through dinner, he'd watched her – the way she moved as she set his plate in front of him, the way she settled into her chair, held her fork, sipped at her wine, even the way she brushed her napkin over her lips.

She talked to him about ship's business, but it was a one-sided conversation. He didn't always understand all the details and tonight, especially, his mind couldn't really grasp what she was saying. He was too busy watching her mouth form each word to concentrate on what the words actually meant.

He lost himself in Kathryn and smiled to himself when he realized that he had.

"Chakotay?"

He blinked.

"Are you going to finish eating or just push the food around on your plate?" she questioned.

He glanced down, not even realizing that he'd been moving his fork at all. He couldn't remember his last bite. He looked back up at her. "I was thinking."

"I thought you might be." Reaching over, she gently laid her hand on top of his, and he set his fork on the table.

"I was thinking about… the park... and…" He hesitated.

Kathryn closed her eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them, and smiled.

They would remember together.

"You were thinking about our kiss."

He nodded. "Is that all right?"

She squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Of course, that's all right. It's a nice thing to think about." She lowered her eyes for a moment. "I... thought about it all afternoon," she admitted, looking back up at him.

He smiled shyly at her. "Then… you liked it."

She sighed. "Very much."

His smile broadened. "I… remember kissing you. And not just at our wedding… other times, too."

There were lots of other times – the first kiss, sailing on Lake George, the wind in their hair, caught up in the moment, quick and breathless. The second kiss, right after the first, slower, deeper, certain. And the third, that same night at the door of her cabin, soft and hesitant – a lingering promise in between nervous glances up and down the corridor, afraid someone would see. And then, finally, a few months later, after much private practice, a kiss for all to see – a holiday party, mistletoe, in some ways a public announcement and confirmation of what the crew already knew and what they accepted with a round of applause. She'd blushed and he'd grinned. And then kissed her again.

"There were lights… and people clapped." He looked puzzled.

"You do remember." Kathryn squeezed his hand again. "We were at a party, in the mess hall. Neelix had decorated with lights and mistletoe."

"Mistletoe?"

"It's a plant that grows in trees, and you hang it up at holiday parties. It's an old Earth tradition. If you stand under the mistletoe with someone, then you're supposed to kiss."

"And we… stood under the mistletoe?" he whispered.

"And kissed."

Again, a confused expression crossed his face. "Why did they clap?"

She smiled, looked down at their clasped hands on the table, then back up. "It took me a long time to finally allow myself to love you, and an even longer time to admit it. At first, I didn't want anyone to know that… we were seeing each other."

"We kept secrets?"

"Yes, I guess we did." She laughed softly. "But not very well. Soon, everyone knew. And I don't think they were surprised when…"

He grinned. "I kissed you under the mistletoe."

And she nodded. "Our friends…our family…they were happy for us. That's why they clapped."

"I wish… I could remember more," he sighed, and his dimpled grin faded. Pulling his hand away, he got up from the table, and went over to the viewport, stared out at the stars.

She went and stood beside him, wrapped her arm around his shoulder. "You will," she assured.

He gazed down at her, lifted his hand to her cheek. "Kathryn… can I… kiss you again?"

And she smiled. "You don't have to ask every time. I'm your wife."

His eyes creased slightly. "Does that mean…"

"That means yes," she breathed and touched her lips to his.

~vVv~


	14. Chapter 14

It lasted longer than the kiss on the holodeck, but it was still just as gentle and chaste - the pressure of his lips against hers warm and solid. Not quick and breathless, like their first kiss, and definitely not deep like their second, but more like the third – that lingering promise that had been fulfilled, and lost, and found again – slowly, hesitantly, surely.

And when she drew back and looked up, his eyes were still closed. She brushed her fingers across his cheek, touched his lower lip, and he blinked down at her, dimples creasing around his mouth.

"You're good at this," she breathed.

He gave a slight shrug. "I think I need more practice."

And although he was serious, she couldn't help but laugh as she pulled him down onto the couch beside her. They settled in close to each other, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Well, I guess we could work it in to our schedule," she suggested, taking his hand in hers and threading their fingers together. "Right after tying shoelaces and buttoning shirts."

"Okay," he agreed.

And she smiled – he was so literal now, the gentle play on words that had been so often a part of their conversations was lost to him. And although she missed their teasing banter, there was a sweetness in the simplicity of his words, truthful and sincere.

Like the kiss he had just given her.

And she felt better about this kiss than she did about the earlier one. That one had caught her by surprise. This one hadn't. She still wasn't sure if it felt right – it was almost too innocent – but it didn't feel wrong anymore. Maybe because the Doctor had given her some assurance – permission perhaps – to explore this next step in his recovery, finding, as he'd said, that equal, loving partner.

"I kept thinking about kissing you all afternoon," he said quietly. "Tom said I was… daydreaming."

"Sounds like you were." She rubbed her hand along his arm. "It's like the dreams you have when you're sleeping, only you're awake."

He shook his head slightly. "But you get to choose daydreams. Dreams at night choose you."

And she looked up and saw a tight grimace cross his face. She knew he'd had some dreams since his accident, and a few nightmares. Sometimes he woke in the middle of the night crying and reaching out for her, but, once in the safety of her arms, he either couldn't remember the details or just didn't want to talk about them. She wondered if now would be a good time to try and get him to talk.

"Dreams can be frightening sometimes," she ventured, watching his reaction.

And he looked away, his body stiffening beneath hers.

"But you can talk about them, Chakotay," she pressed gently, her hand closing around his arm.

He shook his head. "No" was all he said, and she didn't push again. She'd spoken to the Doctor about his nightmares. He'd assured her that when he was ready, he would talk. And he wasn't ready tonight.

"Well, it's still early. What should we do with our evening?"

And he turned back to her, another grin lifting the corners of his mouth. "I'm hungry," he breathed.

And she hesitated, unsure of his meaning.

Then quickly remembered – words were literal.

"You have half a plate of untouched food sitting on the table," she reminded him, "and a glass of milk."

"Can I have cookies?" His eyes brightened at the idea, and he pulled away from her, getting to his feet and heading toward the replicator.

She sighed, and then smiled when he looked back over his shoulder, his hopeful expression seeking her permission – an equal, loving partner who wanted cookies.

"Two," she stipulated, getting up and moving over to clear the table. "And only if you finish your milk."

"Two chocolate chip cookies," he said, and smiled as they materialized in front of him. "Do you want some?"

"Not right now. I've got some work to do." She put the plates in the recycler. "Why don't you watch some of the videos Tom brought you, then we'll read a book later?"

"Okay," he agreed, taking his plate of cookies back over to the couch. But instead of sitting on it, he scooted down onto the floor beside the coffee table, placed his cookies in front of him.

"Don't forget this," Kathryn reminded, setting his glass of milk next to his plate.

He grinned up at her. "Tom dunks them," he explained, a touch of hero worship evident in his tone.

"I'm sure he does," she smiled. "Just don't make a mess." And she turned on the video player that Tom had brought complete with old 20th century cartoons and programs. She knew it would keep him entertained for a while – long enough for her to get some work done at her desk.

She went over and settled down behind her computer, but still her gaze lingered on him – happily munching cookies, laughing at the antics of animated characters. One minute he was kissing her, and the next he was watching cartoons. She sighed. He was in there somewhere, slowly finding his way back a moment at a time.

~vVv~


	15. Chapter 15

"Bridge to Captain."

Kathryn glanced up from her computer. "Yes, Lieutenant?" She recognized Tuvok's voice.

"I have an incoming message from Telvek Seven. Prime Director Tylen would like to confirm your meeting tomorrow," he explained.

She nodded and glanced over at Chakotay. He seemed to be thoroughly occupied with a vid program, so she responded affirmatively. "Send the message through to my quarters."

"Yes, Captain."

A moment later, an image appeared on her computer screen: Prime Director Tylen was a Telvekian, tall, broad-shouldered, pale purple skin with light auburn hair. Other than their coloring, the Telvekians were very humanoid in their physical features.

"Captain Janeway," he smiled, "I hope I'm not contacting you too late in your ship's rotational cycle."

"No, of course not, Prime Director," she assured. "It's still early."

"I received your list of supplies, and I wanted to confirm our meeting for tomorrow. I have been able to secure a representative from our mining colony in Sector 12. Daylen will be able to answer questions about the duranium ore much better than I will. I regret that I am not much of a geologist."

She smiled. "I appreciate your assistance. I'll be bringing one of our engineers to speak with him, and also our chief morale officer and cook to verify any food stocks you have available for trade or purchase."

"That is acceptable," he nodded. "We are quite interested in any cultural and anthropological information you can share. One of our most important interests is the understanding of other species, and it sounds like your data base is replete with factual details."

"We have acquired quite a collection of data since we've been in the Delta Quadrant," she agreed. "As a busy trading colony, I'm sure you've encountered many species, but I'm sure we'll have information on some you've never met."

"Excellent, Captain! I will see you at 1000 hours," he confirmed.

"I look forward to meeting with you, Prime Director."

And the communication ended.

"Who was that?"

Kathryn jumped slightly in her chair and looked up from the computer. Chakotay stood in front of her desk. She hadn't been aware that he was there.

He frowned slightly. "I'm sorry. Did I scare you?"

She smiled. "A little bit."

His frown turned into a grin. "I was real quiet. Like when I used to play hide-and-go-seek with Naomi."

"Used to play?"

"I just watch now," he explained, then repeated his question. "Who was that?"

"That was Prime Director Tylen of Telvek Seven."

He nodded. "That's the planet we're in orbit around, right?"

"That's right." Kathryn got up from her desk, and together they went over to the viewport. "How did you know? You can't see the planet from this side of the ship."

He shrugged. "But we aren't moving in a straight line. I can tell. And we're only on impulse power."

She gazed at him.

"I learned that from Tom."

She slipped her arm around his waist. "You learn a lot from Tom, don't you?"

"Um-um. Today he said I'll be reading books soon."

"Well, let's read one now."

Chakotay glanced uncertainly over at the shelf. "Those are too big," he said.

Kathryn went over and retrieved a thinner volume. "This one's not."

And turning, she saw a smile spread over his face. "I know that one."

"And it's not too big, is it?"

He shook his head and settled on the couch. She sat down beside him, placed the book in her lap.

It was an old book, worn around the edges, but not misused – rather well-loved. On the cover, in gold letters, it read "The Adventures of Flotter."

"And Trevis," Chakotay added.

"Let's see if we can find a story we haven't read yet," Kathryn suggested, turning through the pages, and then settling on one that had a colorful picture on one side. "How about this one?" She pointed to the title. "You read it for me."

The first word was easy. He had that one memorized. "Trevis," he said.

Kathryn moved her finger under the words. "And the…" She looked at him.

"Fl… fl… ower."

"That's it. Trevis and the Flower." And she launched into the story, letting him sound out a few of the words, but mostly reading to him. She knew how much he enjoyed listening without the pressure of reading himself. And since it was a bedtime story, she wanted him to relax and not become tense, which reading often caused.

By the time she reached the end, Chakotay's head had slipped onto her shoulder, and although his eyes were open, she knew that he was tired.

"Good story?" she asked.

And he nodded. "It reminds me of… some place I've been before."

"Well, you've been to the Forest of Forever on the holodeck."

"But not there. Someplace else… A place called…" He looked up at her. "Dorvan?"

And she felt her breath catch. He hadn't mentioned his home planet since before his accident, and she hadn't mentioned it since that time.

"What do you remember about Dorvan, Chakotay?" she asked gently.

"I used to live there. When I was little… With… Sekaya?"

"That's right. Sekaya is your sister. Do you remember her?"

He nodded. "A little. She… looks like me."

And Kathryn smiled. "She does. You've got some pictures of her. We'll look at them tomorrow. All right?"

"All right," he answered, then yawned.

"It's getting late. Go put on your pajamas and get ready for bed." She nudged him gently with her elbow.

"Okay." And he pushed up off the couch, headed for the bedroom. Then he stopped at the door and looked back. "Kathryn, are you going somewhere tomorrow?"

She nodded. "I'm going to meet with the Prime Director on Telvek Seven, but I'll be back in time for lunch."

"Can I go?"

She shook her head "Not in the morning. But maybe, if the Prime Director agrees, we can set up some time for shore leave. I'll talk to him about that. How does that sound?"

He yawned again and rubbed at his eyes. "Sounds good." And then he disappeared into the bedroom.

Kathryn leaned back on the couch and stared out the viewport. She smiled. Shore leave did sound good.

~vVv~


	16. Chapter 16

He kissed her goodnight – a quick kiss on the lips before turning over on his side and curling around his pillow. He hadn't asked; he'd just leaned over and kissed her.

And she smiled as she settled down into the bed beside him, rubbing her hand gently along his arm, pressing her cheek to his shoulder blade.

She was his wife. He didn't have to ask every time.

He fell asleep quickly – he often did, usually exhausted from his day. And she lay there in the grey light, watching his back rise and fall with each deep breath.

She wasn't sure where they went from here – wasn't sure what he would remember tomorrow, or the next day. Wasn't sure how she felt about what lay beyond a kiss.

She reached out and gently touched the strands of his hair at the nape of his neck, pulled back when he stirred in his sleep, not wanting to wake him.

And she smiled into the dimness of the room.

She was sure that she loved him.

Maybe that's all she needed to know for now.

~vVv~

"He wants you to do a couple of tests," she explained for the third time as he sat on the edge of the bed putting his socks on – as he had been for the past five minutes.

Some mornings were like this – simple tasks that he'd already mastered took longer. And what should have taken only one explanation required three.

Two steps forward, one step back.

"Tests?" he squinted up at her, and the black sock slipped from his fingers to the floor.

"They're more like puzzles," she elaborated, kneeling in front of him and picking up the sock, taking one large foot into her hands, and pulling the sock into place. "You've done them before. Matching and sorting and creating patterns. He usually uses blocks."

Still, Chakotay stared at her, eyes blinking, expression a bit blank.

Of all mornings for her to leave him. Maybe she should cancel her meeting with the Prime Director, or let Tuvok go in her place. But she knew she couldn't.

"You'll be with the Doctor," she assured him, as much as she was assuring herself. "You know he'll explain everything very clearly."

Maybe too clearly, she thought. Too many words. Even knowing Chakotay's cognitive abilities, the good doctor sometimes tended to be overly loquacious in his explanations.

"Will Tom be there?" he asked, watching as Kathryn pulled the other sock on and then started on his shoes.

He wasn't scheduled to be there. It would be a rare morning off for him, and Kathryn hated to pull him in at the last second. The plan was for Chakotay to spend the morning in Sickbay and then Tom would pick him up and take him to the mess hall where she would meet him for lunch after her meeting on Telvek Seven.

She glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. It was almost 0900. She should have already been in her Ready Room going over last minute details with Tuvok, Neelix, and Ensign Vorik.

But today was starting out to be one of those days.

First, he wouldn't eat breakfast. And not just slow, prolonged eating. Simply no eating. She'd encouraged, cajoled, even demanded. And finally given up, putting his cereal, toast, and orange juice back into the recycler with a warning that he'd regret it – lunch was a long time away.

And then getting dressed had taken him forever. He couldn't decide what to wear. If she suggested one shirt, he chose another. If she tried to help, he complained. If she left the room, he simply stopped. She was surprised that he was letting her put on his socks and shoes now.

"When are you leaving?" His voice drew her attention away from the clock and her thoughts and back to him.

She looked up and realized that his eyes were glassy with tears, and the damn fist around her heart squeezed tight.

Suddenly, it all made sense.

He didn't want her to go.

She rose up on her knees and placed her hands on the top of his legs, leaned in close. "I'll be leaving in just a little while, but I will be back soon," she promised.

He sighed, and swallowed, eyes blinking. And she touched his cheeks, rubbed at the wetness.

"I don't want you to go," he murmured, lowering his head, not looking at her.

"Chakotay." She lifted his chin. "You know I have to."

He nodded. "You're the captain."

And she smiled softly, held his face for a moment, then gently kissed his cheek. "And your wife - who has a lunch date with her husband in about three hours."

~vVv~

Another kiss on the cheek at the door of the Doctor's office, and then she was on her way to the Bridge. He'd managed to find a smile for her, put on a brave face, but she knew that the Doctor could tell that he was unsure about the situation. She'd contact Tom before she left, see if he wouldn't mind helping the Doctor with some of his tests. She shook her head as she stepped into the turbolift; she owed Tom and B'Elanna so much right now she'd never break even.

They were waiting for her when she got to the Bridge, Tuvok at his station and Neelix and Vorik standing just outside her Ready Room.

"Sorry I'm late," she apologized as she walked past them into the room.

They followed. Tuvok and Vorik gave no comment, but, of course, Neelix did.

"Oh, no worries, Captain. Sometimes it's just hard to get a day started. I hope Chakotay is feeling all right this morning. Naomi and I so enjoyed our trip to the holodeck yesterday! I believe the commander did, too. He wasn't very actively involved in the program, but I do think he enjoys watching. That Flotter and Trevis can be quite entertaining! Why sometimes I just visit one of their programs on my own just to laugh. It's a wonderful way to end a long stressful day. You should try it after a challenging day on the Bridge. If you'd like for me to suggest a particular program, I can. Of course, Naomi is our resident expert on the adventures of Flotter, but I know a few things about the series, and I'd be happy to-"

"Mr. Neelix," Tuvok interrupted.

And Neelix stopped and looked over at him.

"I believe the adventures of Flotter and Trevis would be a topic more suited for another time."

Neelix blinked and looked to the captain and then over to Ensign Vorik. "Yes, of course," he agreed, realizing that he had been rambling.

The captain smiled. "But I'll keep it in mind. It's nice to find activities that both the commander and I can enjoy. And he did have a good time yesterday." She reached out and touched Neelix's arm. "Thank you." Then she went over to the replicator. "Coffee, anyone?"

Tuvok and Vorik shook their heads and answered negatively, but Neelix said yes. So she replicated two cups of black coffee, handed him one, then settled behind her desk.

She glanced at the time on the corner of her computer screen. They had about forty minutes before they needed to transport down to the planet. And before she started their briefing, she quickly sent Tom a message – another favor on a debt that could never be repaid.

~vVv~

He didn't really mind spending time in Sickbay. There were interesting things to look at – the Doctor was always experimenting with something. Today there were several containers with plants growing in them, their leaves trailing down the sides in a mixture of colors – orange, and gold, and blue. Not a one of them was green. He thought that was strange. Plants were usually green. But not these.

After a while, the Doctor came and found him and said it was time to do the tests. He wasn't very sure about that. They were like puzzles – some of the same puzzles that he and Tom worked on in his quarters. But it was different here – in Sickbay if felt like they mattered more – like he had to get them right or else it was bad.

The Doctor assured him that all he had to do was try, but sometimes trying was hard. It was like what Kathryn had said the day before – striving. He got tired of striving.

Just as he was settling into a chair in front of the Doctor's desk, the doors to Sickbay slid open and Tom came in. Chakotay sighed and managed a smile. Tom made things a little easier just by being there. It's not that the Doctor wasn't nice or helpful, he just wasn't very funny. And Tom usually was.

"Did I hear that we were doing puzzle tests this morning?" He joined them in the Doctor's office. "I guess my invitation got lost in the mail."

Chakotay blinked up at him. He wasn't sure what mail was.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "I can assure you, Mister Paris, invitations were not dispatched; therefore, yours could not have been circumvented." He placed a set of colored blocks on top of his desk and then a stack of pictures. "But I'm pleased that you're here. Perhaps you can help the commander with these pattern cards."

"Ah, we know these, don't we?" He sat down in the adjacent chair and picked up one of the pictures, glanced over at Chakotay. "They're like the ones we worked on a couple of days ago."

"Today I'd like you to record how long it takes him to complete each pattern. Then we'll compare the data to the data we took a few weeks ago," the Doctor explained, handing Tom a stopwatch and a padd.

He took the items. "No problem, right, big guy?" And he gave Chakotay an encouraging smile.

But Chakotay didn't smile back.

~vVv~


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note:** Thanks for reading and reviewing! I appreciate the feedback!

Picture patterns, color and shape matching, logical progression – they made their way through all of the tests, Chakotay trying and Tom recording the elapsed time for each puzzle. It seemed like he was doing better than the last round of testing, but Tom couldn't be sure. He seemed a bit distracted this morning and Tom knew why – he was thinking about Kathryn.

Tom had been working on some navigational revisions for the Delta Flyer when he'd received the captain's message: "He's in Sickbay for tests. He asked if you would be there. Can you help the Doctor with him? Thanks." And Tom had been happy to go – he knew that Sickbay wasn't always one of Chakotay's favorite places – too many memories, he supposed. He'd been confined there for the first three weeks, and those days right after he'd regained consciousness had been frightening for him – he couldn't talk, he didn't know where he was, he couldn't remember anyone – not even Kathryn.

He reached over and gathered the colored blocks on the desk between them, smiled up at Chakotay. "That's good work for today," he praised, taking note of his questioning gaze. He knew that Chakotay wanted to do the tests correctly. "I think you did better this time."

Chakotay nodded. "I tried."

And Tom patted his hand. "I know you did."

At that moment, the Doctor breezed back into his office. "All done?" he inquired.

"All done," Tom affirmed, handing him the data padd where he'd input the testing information.

"Excellent." He smiled over at Chakotay. "I'll analyze this data and it will help me know how well you're progressing, aside from the obvious signs of improvement that we've been seeing every day. You've certainly grown in leaps and bounds, Commander."

"Leaps and bounds?"

Tom shrugged slightly at the bemused expression on Chakotay's face and explained. "He just means a lot."

And Chakotay nodded again, then looked past him into the outer part of Sickbay. "Is it time for lunch?"

Tom knew what he was thinking – was it time to see Kathryn. He turned the Doctor's computer around so that he could check the time. "It's just 1100 hours," he answered. "Still another hour until lunch." He saw the disappointment cross Chakotay's face. "Why don't we visit B'Elanna in Engineering?" he suggested. "See what's going on down there."

His expression didn't change, but he agreed. "Okay."

~vVv~

Telvek Seven was, perhaps, one of the most beautiful planets she'd seen in all her years in the Delta Quadrant. The main city was surrounded by gently rolling green hills and clusters of small forests, crisscrossed by meandering miles of rivers. The sky was a clear cloudless blue dominated by a round ball of yellow sun. If not for the Telvekians' varying shades of violet skin, Kathryn would have felt as if she were right back on Earth.

As it was, the Prime Director and his staff had generously made the three of them feel at home. They'd already discussed their list of supply items, and now Neelix was on one end of the conference table deep in conversation with a woman named Tressen, who was in charge of their food administration, while she and Vorik continued to speak with Tylen and Daylen about their mining operations.

"It's amazing," Kathryn commented. "You rely heavily on your use of minerals, and yet your world shows no signs of mining excavations."

"Everything is done completely subterranean," Daylen explained. "Our mining system is vast, but well-contained below the hills. We have some of the best engineers that work for our government."

Kathryn glanced at Tylen. "Is it all government owned?"

He shook his head. "No. We have private sector mining corporations as well. Our resources are abundant. We're a large planet with a relatively small population. And as much as we rely on our natural resources, we have made great advancements in engineering new products and power sources as well."

"From what I see, your technological advancements are in line with our Federation," Kathryn said, looking down at the mining schematics and other documents that lay on the table before her. "You've maintained both a cohesive infrastructure and allowed for individual enterprise." She turned and looked out the large picture window behind them. "And preserved a beautiful world."

Tylen smiled at her compliments. He had been Prime Director for six years in an eight-year term, and he was not only proud of his present government's accomplishments, but also those of his predecessors – Telvek Seven was a fine place to live, and there wasn't a day that he didn't count his blessings and those of his ancestors.

"We'd be pleased to show you more of our world, and offer shore leave to your crew," Tylen extended. "We have museums, parks, sporting arenas – all situated around the city center. And our tram system is quick and convenient."

Kathryn smiled. "That sounds wonderful. I think our crew would like some shore leave."

"I'd also be pleased to give you and Ensign Vorik a tour of our main mining facility," Daylen offered.

And Kathryn immediately saw Vorik's eyebrow arch slightly. She turned toward him. "What do you think, Ensign?"

"I'm sure it would be interesting and informative," he responded calmly.

But Kathryn saw a glint in his eyes and she had to suppress a laugh. For the young Vulcan, his reaction was bordering on excitement, and she hated to let him down.

"A tour would be most appreciated," she accepted, glancing at the time display on her data padd. It was almost 1100 hours. She returned her gaze to Sub-Director Daylen. "How long would the tour take?"

"No more than an hour," he answered. "We can start with a tram ride around the perimeter of the city and then head into the hills. I'm sure you'll enjoy the sights along the way."

"I'm sure we will." She looked toward the end of the table. "Mister Neelix?"

"Yes, Captain?" He drew his attention away from Tressen and focused on her.

"Have you finalized the list of food items?"

"Oh, yes," he responded. "Tressen and I were just discussing Telvekian cuisine. She's given me lots of ideas – all very palatable. And when stretched with a bit of leola root, why I think we'll have some interesting main courses for several months."

"That sounds promising. Thank you, Tressen." She nodded toward the woman, then looked back to her self-appointed chef and morale officer. "Neelix, I'll let Lieutenant Tuvok know that you'll be arranging transport coordinates with him within the next half hour. Does that sound about right?"

"That will be fine, Captain."

"Good. Ensign Vorik and I are going to tour the main mining facility. We'll see you back on _Voyager_."

~vVv~


	18. Chapter 18

"He misses her," B'Elanna observed, staring up at the solitary figure above them.

Tom nodded and leaned against the railing, his eyes following B'Elanna's gaze, watching as the bright light of the warp core played across the tight features of Chakotay's face. He stood on the upper level, his attention focused on the powerful column of energy, but Tom knew he was still thinking about Kathryn.

"It's the first time she's been off ship since…" His voice trailed off.

And B'Elanna touched his arm. "I know."

"Maybe Kathryn shouldn't have told him."

She cast him a questioning glance.

And he explained. "She spends hours on the bridge, and at first that bothered him. But now he's used to it. He knows she'll be coming back." He returned his gaze to Chakotay. "If she hadn't told him that she was going down to the planet, he'd just think that she was on the bridge now."

"She tells him the truth, Tom."

There was no accusation in her voice, but still, Tom bristled a bit. "I know, B'Elanna, but… maybe he doesn't need to know everything. Not telling him something isn't lying, it's just…"

"Evading," she finished his thought.

"All right – it is evading. I just hate to see him worry."

The hand that was still on his arm moved lower, her fingers wrapping around his, giving them a gentle squeeze. "I do, too."

~vVv~

The tram ride around the city was breathtaking – there were so many wonderful features, both natural and manmade. Tall building, like cut crystal, dazzled in the sunlight while sparkling waterfalls flowed nearby. Cool blue lakes dotted the terrain, surrounded by gardens and houses. She could see the Telvekians as they went about their daily routines – everything seemed to run in an orderly fashion.

She glanced over at Daylen. "You've got a thriving city."

He nodded. "Yes, we're very proud. We've worked hard to create and maintain our way of life. We've eliminated poverty and need – all citizens contribute to society and we take care of those who are infirm or aged."

"A utopia," Vorik commented, looking away from the tram window.

And Daylen smiled. "Not always. I won't say that our society is perfect. But our life here is good."

Ahead, Kathryn could see that they were approaching the low-lying hills, and soon the tram entered a dim tunnel. A few minutes later, the tunnel opened out into a well-lit cavernous area, and they came to a stop.

"This is our main control center," Daylen explained as they exited the tram. "From here, we oversee mining operations that run for over fifty square miles." He gestured toward the opposite end of the room. "And down this way, we have some of our oldest tunnels. We've established a museum that allows visitors to see the historical aspects of mining on our planet, and trace the technological progression through the years." He nodded toward Kathryn. "Perhaps we should begin there – at the beginning, so to speak."

Kathryn glanced over at Vorik. Although his face was impassive, she was sure that starting at the beginning wasn't his first choice – he would want to see the Telvekians' present day operations. But, she could also see the pride on Daylen's face, and acquiesced to his suggestion. "That sounds like a plan," she smiled and followed the sub-director, Vorik close behind them.

~vVv~

He would have stayed up there all day, staring at the warp core, if he'd let him. Not that Chakotay was overly interested in warp technology, or engineering on the whole for that matter, but he seemed to have lost himself in the swirling light, although Tom was sure his thoughts were elsewhere.

He took the lift to the upper deck and joined him, leaning against the railing.

"It's almost lunchtime," he commented, giving him a sideways glance.

And Chakotay blinked over at him. "Is Kathryn here?"

Tom shook his head. "Not yet, but she'll meet us in the mess hall as soon as she returns." He wrapped an arm around the older man's shoulders. "Why don't we go see what Chell has prepared in Neelix's absence?"

"All right," he nodded, allowing Tom to lead him toward the lift. "I like Chell."

"So do I," Tom agreed.

"He's blue," Chakotay added.

And Tom laughed. "Yes, he is blue. He's Bolian."

"Are all Bolians blue?" he looked over at Tom, seeking clarification.

"I've never seen one that wasn't," he said, as the lift started to descend to the lower deck.

"Kathryn says the Telvekians are purple."

"Yes, they are."

Chakotay drew in a deep breath. "And she said that we might have shore leave on their planet."

They reached the lower level and stepped off. "Would you like to take shore leave?"

"I think so," Chakotay answered tentatively. "It's like… vacation, right?"

"That's right."

"Like going on the holodeck, but it's real instead of…" He thought for a few seconds, then found the word he wanted. "Photons."

"All real, no photons."

"What?" B'Elanna had stepped over and heard Tom's words.

"We're talking about possible shore leave on Telvek Seven." He glanced at Chakotay. "The big guy here thinks it sounds like a good idea."

She sighed. "He and half the crew! I can't remember when we've had shore leave."

"And we might have it as soon as this afternoon," Tom grinned, leaning into B'Elanna and kissing her.

She lightly pushed him away. "Not on duty, helmboy – save it for shore leave." She looked over, saw Chakotay watching them. And she smiled at Tom. "Besides, we've got to set a good example."

"Right," he nodded, taking a step back. "Good example." Then he thought for a moment and changed his mind, diving in for another kiss. B'Elanna responded, her lips soft against his.

A few seconds later, they pulled apart, breathless.

Tom smirked at the expression on her face – frustration and pleasure. "Sorry," he apologized, "but that's the best example I know." He glanced over at Chakotay, whose eyes were still focused on them, then he leaned back toward B'Elanna. "And if we are setting an example, I think Kathryn will thank us."

~vVv~


	19. Chapter 19

The tunnels were old. Over a hundred years, Daylen explained, adding proudly that his great-great grandfather had helped to build them. Ancient equipment was on display, and wall plaques situated along the path detailed the history of mining on Telvek Seven – a long and industrious history, Kathryn noted as she read yet another description of early techniques. Beside her, Vorik scanned the information as well, and she sighed softly when she realized that what was becoming a bit tedious for her had actually sparked the young Vulcan's attention. She suspected that he found it fascinating, but that might be too strong of an adjective. Acceptable might be a better word. Still, though, he walked ahead of her to read yet another plaque.

"This particular route is circular," Daylen said, walking toward the entrance to another cavern. "In a few minutes, we'll enter the tunnel where we began and go back into the main control room."

"It's been quite informative," Kathryn commented, following him into the next section. "It reminds me of old mining facilities on Earth." She looked back over her shoulder. "And I'm sure it's reminiscent of structures on Vulcan as well."

"Yes, Captain," Vorik agreed, stepping forward to join her. "We have similar mines on Vulcan. Of course, they are much warmer and the shading and coloration of the stone varies a great deal."

"We have mining facilities in the southern hemisphere of our planet, and the stone there is much lighter," Daylen informed. "The stone in the northern regions tends to be varying shades of greys and browns. We have a lot of duranium ore in this area. Other mines have traces of magnesite and beryllium."

"It's the duranium that will be helpful to us, Sub-Director," Kathryn said, passing under a low-hanging beam.

"I'm sure we'll be able to satisfy your requirements," he assured. "We'll return to the main room and-"

His words were cut off by a sudden rumble echoing from the tunnels they had just navigated; the ground under their feet shook. Behind them, the cavern they had just vacated was inundated with stone and rubble.

The path ahead of them was clear, and without exchanging a word, they began to run in that direction.

~vVv~

Tom had convinced him to take a tray, but was having no luck convincing him to eat. And he knew it wasn't the selection. Surprisingly, since his accident, Chakotay liked leola root – maybe the only person on board who actually did. Tom thought it was because he had no frame of reference – he couldn't remember what food tasted like before, so he accepted the choices that were given to him now. And although fried foods still upset his stomach, he liked carrots and absolutely loved pudding.

And so the leola root stew, carrot soufflé, and lemon pudding couldn't be stopping him now.

But Tom knew what was.

"She'll be here soon," he assured, taking a bite of the stew. It wasn't half bad, as leola root stew went – almost as good as Neelix's, if that was saying anything.

Chakotay shook his head and pushed his tray forward on the table.

Tom pushed it back.

"You need to eat something. You're hungry." He'd already heard Chakotay's stomach growling, and he suspected that he hadn't eaten much breakfast – probably too upset about Kathryn leaving.

Again, another shake of his head.

B'Elanna, who had joined them for lunch, tried a bite of soufflé. "Umm," she hummed. "Not bad." She looked across the table. "You should try some."

"I'll wait for Kathryn," he insisted, looking over his shoulder toward the entranceway.

"All right," she sighed, "but it's going to get cold. And other than the pudding, I don't think it's going to be very good once it cools down." She glanced over at Tom, then back to Chakotay. "Besides, Kathryn would want you to eat."

And Tom rolled his eyes. _Good luck on guilting him into it,_ he thought. He'd tried that before during therapy – it rarely worked.

"Especially if you didn't eat much breakfast." She'd heard his stomach rumbling as well.

And Chakotay looked back at her, the expression on his face suddenly doubtful.

B'Elanna continued. "She'd be pleased to see that plate half empty when she gets here."

He glanced at Tom, then returned his gaze to B'Elanna. He picked up his spoon.

"And you could always start with dessert and work your way backwards," she suggested.

Slowly, he scooped up a small spoonful of pudding and brought it to his mouth, took a bite, and swallowed. A slight smile played across his lips.

"It's good, isn't it?" B'Elanna said, casting a glance in Tom's direction, a self-satisfied look on her face.

Chakotay nodded, taking another bite, a larger one this time.

And Tom sighed. It had to be a female thing – feminine wiles - they had the big guy wrapped around their little fingers – B'Elanna, Kathryn, Seven, hell, even Naomi could persuade him to do things that Tom and the Doctor couldn't.

But, he supposed, watching Chakotay tuck into the rest of his food, the results were what counted.

Just then, the mess hall doors slid open and Samantha Wildman entered, heading over to their table.

"Hey, Sam," Tom greeted, "why don't you join us?"

She shook her head. And although she was smiling, Tom sensed an underlying tension.

"Thanks, but I was hoping to talk to you." She gestured toward the doors, and Tom realized she wanted to talk in private.

"Sure." He swiped his napkin over his lips and dropped it on the table as he stood up, looking down at B'Elanna then across to Chakotay. "I'll be right back."

Chakotay barely noticed, having decided that he was indeed hungry, but B'Elanna gave him a questioning gaze. Tom shrugged and followed Samantha into the corridor.

Once the doors slid closed behind them, Tom realized something was wrong. Samantha's face was tight with worry.

"What is it?"

She drew in a deep breath. "Tuvok asked me to come tell you. He didn't want to comm you since he knew you'd be with Chakotay. There's been an accident on the planet – a mine cave-in."

Tom's heart lurched. "Kathryn?"

Samantha nodded. "She and Vorik were touring the old tunnels – some sort of museum. The Telvekians have found some faint life-signs, but the rock has a natural shielding that prevents transportation. They've begun excavating. Tuvok needs you and B'Elanna in the conference room. He's going to be sending down teams to aid in the recovery."

Tom looked back toward the mess hall doors. "Chakotay…"

Samantha placed her hand on his arm. "I'll stay with him." She knew what Tom was thinking. "We don't have to tell him yet… Not until we know more."

He nodded, biting nervously at his lower lip. "Evading," he murmured.

"What?"

He shook his head, covered Samantha's hand with his own. "Nothing. Just something B'Elanna said earlier." He took a step toward the doors and they slid open. Taking a deep breath, he went back inside, Samantha close behind him.

He forced a smile when he got to the table. "Well, duty calls. Tuvok needs us in the conference room."

B'Elanna looked up, her gaze flickering between the two of them.

"I'll stay with Chakotay," Samantha said.

And Chakotay dropped his spoon, stared up at them. "Tom?"

"Just a briefing, big guy. Senior staff. You know Tuvok – when he wants to meet, we meet." He glanced at B'Elanna as she stood up, then back to Chakotay. "We won't be long. You stay with Sam." He patted his shoulder. "Afterwards, maybe you can go see the Doctor again." He looked over to Samantha. "When he's finished lunch."

Chakotay's eyes widened. "But Kathryn's coming."

"I know." He hesitated for a moment. "But… her meeting's been delayed. I think that's why Tuvok wants to see us. Trade negotiations. Telvek Seven has a lot to offer. Kathryn wants to make sure we've got everything just right. And sometimes… meetings just run longer than expected."

He wasn't sure if Chakotay believed him. Leaps and bounds of improvement might be a good thing, but it also meant that he was more aware, more cognizant of what was going on around him, and not as easily led. Two weeks ago, he wouldn't have batted an eye at Tom's explanation, but now there was doubt in his expression.

"We'll meet you back in Sickbay. You just finish eating and then go with Sam."

And Chakotay nodded, but Tom could see tears gathering in his eyes.

~vVv~


	20. Chapter 20

B'Elanna was going down to the planet to coordinate the recovery efforts, and, although Tom wanted to go with her, he knew there was somewhere else he needed to be. As he accompanied her to the transporter room where the rest of the team was assembled, she reached out and grabbed his hand, stopping their forward movement.

"You have to tell him," she insisted.

And Tom nodded. "I know. But I… I don't know how."

She took his other hand in hers, so that she was fully holding on to him, fingers clenching around his. "The truth, Tom. Like Kathryn would tell him. Straight, simple… no evading."

He felt his throat constricting and he swallowed around the tightness, managing another nod and a promise. "The truth." He leaned forward, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, squeezed her hands. "You go now. Get them out."

B'Elanna let go, stepping toward the transporter room door, a promise of her own tossed back over her shoulder. "I will."

And then she was gone, the door sliding shut behind her as Tom's commbadge sounded.

"Wildman to Paris."

"Yes, Sam?"

"I wanted to let you know that we're not in Sickbay. Chakotay wanted to go back to his quarters, so… we're here."

He took a deep breath. "I'm on my way."

~vVv~

Tom knew the entry code, so he let himself in, finding Samantha leaning in the doorway to the bedroom. She looked over her shoulder at him, a sad smile playing over her features, then turned her gaze back. He joined her, his eyes focused on the room before him.

Chakotay sat on the edge of the bed, rocking slightly, holding a pillow to his chest. Tom knew it was Kathryn's.

"He's scared, Tom," Samantha whispered.

He laid his hand on her shoulder. "I know." And he gave her a gentle squeeze before he crossed the room and sat down beside the older man.

Chakotay turned toward him, his face wet with tears. "Where is she?" He swallowed, running one hand over his cheek, wiping at the wetness. "She's not at… a meeting." His jaw hardened, yet Tom could see the rest of his body trembling. "You have to tell me. She's my wife." His teeth worried at his lower lip, trying to fight the tears even as they coursed down his cheeks. "Please, Tom… tell me." He shook his head. "I'm not a little kid. I know… I know I'm crying, but… Kathryn says… that's because of… the brain damage. I cry more. But… I'm her husband. I have to know." He drew in a shaky breath. "Where's Kathryn?"

Tom wrapped his arm around Chakotay's shoulders, pulled him close. "You're right. She's… not at her meeting." He hesitated, his eyes focused on his knees. He had to tell him – straight and simple. "She and Vorik were touring the mining facility on the planet, and there was a cave-in. One of the tunnels collapsed. We think they're alive, but… we're having difficulty reaching them. We're having to dig them out – the transporters won't work. B'Elanna's down there now. She'll reach them."

He looked up, found Chakotay staring at him, brown eyes round and wide.

"She's alive?" he breathed.

Tom nodded. "We think so. They were able to read some faint life-signs."

"You told me… that her meeting… ran longer." There was accusation behind his words.

And Tom winced. "I'm sorry, big guy, I… I shouldn't have told you that. I didn't know-"

He pulled away from him, his body stiffening. "You lied to me."

"Chakotay…"

He shook his head, getting up from the side of the bed and moving toward the viewport, the pillow still clutched in his hands. "You lied. How… how do I know… you're not lying now?"

"I'm not."

"No… She could be dead, and you're… just not telling me." His voice was rising in pitch and volume.

Tom got up and went over to him, closed his hands around his upper arms. "She's not dead, Chakotay."

He shook his head again, pulled away, turning toward the viewport. "You don't know." And he started to cry harder, sobs shaking his back and shoulders.

Tom took a deep breath, moved in close behind him, wrapped his arms around Chakotay's upper body, was thankful when he didn't try to pull away again. "I don't know… Not for sure. But I… I think she's still alive. I think B'Elanna's going to find her and Vorik, and they're gonna be all right." He swayed slightly, rocking the larger man in his arms, felt the heat of him through his back, his breaths coming in gasps now as he tried to control his crying. Tom strengthened his grip on him. "It's all right, big guy. It's all right to cry. I've got you."

And Chakotay dropped the pillow and turned, buried his head against Tom's shoulder, letting him hold him as he cried.

~vVv~


	21. Chapter 21

He lay on his side, curled around Kathryn's pillow, eyes closed, tears drying on his cheeks. Tom sat beside him on the edge of the bed, gently carding his fingers through his hair, soothing him to sleep. He'd cried for a long time, and Tom had held him, not letting go, remembering other times, other tears – of frustration, and fear, and longing. And Tom had cried with him and for him, his own silent tears trailing down his face.

Kathryn was his whole life and his lifeline. If Chakotay lost her, he would lose himself.

Sighing deeply, Tom leaned over and pressed a kiss to Chakotay's forehead, then got up and went into the next room. Samantha was there, sitting on the couch. He could tell that she'd been crying, too, her eyes damp and red-rimmed.

She looked past him toward the bedroom. "How is he?"

"Sleeping," Tom answered, crossing over and sinking down into a chair across from her. "Finally."

Samantha studied him for a few moments, then reached out and touched him on the knee. "How are you doing?"

Tom smiled tiredly and covered her hand with his. "About as well as you."

And she sighed, rubbed the fingers of her other hand over her cheeks. "Too many what-ifs to think about."

He shook his head. "I know. He's been through so much… and now…" He drew in deep breath, mentally squaring his shoulders. "B'Elanna will find her." He glanced toward the other room. "She has to."

~vVv~

It was a nice dream, but still… just a dream. She knew that… for he was there, his voice strong and confident, his steps steady and sure. There was no hesitancy in his words, no uncertainty in the gaze he settled upon her. And in that greyness between sleep and consciousness, she felt him beside her, his hand on her shoulder, his presence solid and warm.

Then there was movement and the sound of a low groan; her eyes blinked open.

And he was gone.

She moved to sit up and cried out as the pain lanced through her right arm, radiating up into her shoulder, spreading into her chest, her ribs aching as she struggled to draw in a breath.

"Captain?"

Looking to her left, she found Vorik kneeling beside her, blood dripping from a cut over his right eye. "Ensign?" She tried to reach up with her left hand to touch his forehead, but he closed his hand around hers, stilling her motion.

"I'm fine, but you've been injured."

She shook her head gently, negating his words. "So have you."

"But I will be all right." He looked across the cavern. "Sub-Director Daylen is unconscious, but his vital signs are strong, and his breathing doesn't seem labored. I'm hoping he will wake soon. Perhaps he will have better knowledge of where we are located in conjunction to the main tunnel."

Kathryn shifted, trying to push herself up further against the wall of rock that she rested against. She hissed as the pain rippled through her again, accepting Vorik's help when he grasped her left shoulder and lifted her slightly. From a seated position, she could better see their surroundings – walls on all four sides, a small cavern roughly five square meters. The sides were smooth stone, but the path ahead and behind was rubble – splintered beams and boulders.

Kathryn reached for her commbadge, but Vorik's hand stopped her. "They won't work. I've tried – yours and mine, and Daylen's communicator. I have been able to gather some readings with my tricorder – there are large amounts of terracite in the rock which would undoubtedly hinder communications and mask life-sign readings." He saw Kathryn's eyes narrow. "It may be difficult for them to locate us, but I am sure they are trying."

And she smiled weakly at the young Vulcan, accepted his attempt at reassurance. "Other than your head, are you hurt anywhere else?" she inquired, studying him carefully.

He shook his head. "As I said, Captain, I am fine. You, unfortunately, are not. You have two fractured ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and your right arm is broken – above the elbow and at the wrist."

Kathryn nodded. "I'll try not to move."

"That would be wise," he agreed. "I wish I had something to give you for the pain."

She managed a grin. "I wish you did, too." Then she wrapped her left hand around his arm. "But I'll be all right, Ensign." She glanced over at Daylen and then back to Vorik. "We'll all be all right."

~vVv~


	22. Chapter 22

"Kathryn!"

The scream ripped through the cabin, and Tom was jolted awake, on his feet, and in the next room instantly.

Chakotay was sitting straight up in bed, breathing heavily, his hands, balled into fists, desperately clutching the blanket beneath him; his face shone with tears and sweat-drenched hair was pushed back from his forehead. His eyes were open, but he didn't seem to see Tom as he entered the room, so the younger man slowed, approached him carefully. He'd had nightmares before; Tom had witnessed them, had calmed him down and held back flailing arms and legs several times. And Kathryn had told him about others – dreams that came in the middle of the night that both angered and terrified him – although Chakotay never described those dark images – they were his and his alone.

Tom moved slowly to the bed, sat down on the edge of it, spoke his name softly. "Chakotay?" He reached out tentatively, touched his arm, felt him trembling. "It's Tom. I'm here. You're all right."

Chakotay blinked, then turned his face towards him, his eyes dark and deep – fathomless like the nightmares that claimed him.

Tom slid his fingers down, smoothing over the tight fist, and Chakotay grabbed hold of his hand, hard and fast, his breaths still coming in gasps. "Easy, big guy," Tom soothed, running his other hand across his back, feeling the quick beating of his heart. "Deep breaths, nice and slow."

And he watched as Chakotay tried to gain control, steady his breathing; his other hand let go of the blanket, and he lifted his fingers to his face, wiped his cheeks, frowned at the wetness he found there.

Tom smiled softly, still rubbing his back and shoulders. "You're all right now. It was just a dream."

Chakotay swallowed and nodded, his gaze falling away, focusing on his lap.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He never had before.

And this time was no different, his head shaking even as his hand gripped Tom tighter.

"It's all right. You don't have to."

Chakotay drew in a deep breath, raised his eyes. "Kathryn?" His voice was a whisper.

"They're still looking for her."

And he released the breath, a heavy sigh as he looked back toward the bedside table. There was a picture of him and Kathryn on it. Seeing his focus, Tom leaned over and picked up the frame, handed it to him. Chakotay's fingers closed around it, as tightly as the hand that still held Tom's. Although they were both in uniform, it was an informal picture, probably taken by Neelix or the Doctor. Kathryn was laughing, her head to the side, a cup of coffee in one hand. And beside her, Chakotay was smiling – not at the camera – at her, his eyes shining, dimples creasing his cheeks. It was a picture of love, Tom realized – pure and simple and honest.

"B'Elanna will find her, Chakotay."

He looked up at Tom, fear and doubt glistening in his eyes.

Tom struggled to think of something to say, something to reassure him, then settled on a memory. "One time… Sam, and Tuvok, and I were coming back from a mission in the Delta Flyer, and we ran into an ion storm - crash landed on a planetoid, deep beneath the surface." He hesitated, remembering the hours spent inside the flyer, closed in under kilotons of rock, fearing that it was the end; he wondered if Kathryn was feeling the same thing right now. "We were lost, but you didn't stop looking until you found us, Chakotay." He closed his hand around the older man's shoulder, his grip solid and firm. "And B'Elanna won't stop looking either. She'll find Kathryn, and she'll bring her home – to you."

Chakotay ran his fingers over the picture, tracing the lines of Kathryn's face. "I love her, Tom."

He nodded. "I know. She loves you, too."

Chakotay continued to stare at the picture in his hand. "I used… to wear that uniform every day. I was… the first officer, and I worked on the bridge with Kathryn." He looked up at Tom, his eyes filled with sadness and regret. "I was strong and smart…"

"You're still strong and smart," Tom assured, but Chakotay lowered his head.

"Not like I used to be… when I wore that uniform." His jaw tightened and trembled at the same time, and a teardrop landed on the edge of the frame.

"Chakotay… look at me." And Tom waited until he lifted his head again, tear-filled eyes staring into his. "Strength and intelligence come in many different forms. What you've gone through, since your accident, shows how strong you are. And what you've learned… what you've taught us in the process… well, you're still one of the smartest men I know." He drew in a deep breath. "You are strong and smart, Chakotay… and you're kind, and gentle, and caring."

Chakotay gazed down at the picture again and sighed. "But I'm not him anymore."

And Tom moved closer to him, his arm wrapping around his shoulders. "Yes, you are… in every way that matters."

~vVv~


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note:** Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

"Air's still circulating," Daylen announced, glancing toward the rocky ceiling above them. "That's a good sign – the filtration system hasn't been damaged. And emergency lighting is working."

He took another step toward the corner of the room, and stumbled slightly. Vorik reached out quickly and took hold of his arm.

"You should sit," he suggested, pushing him toward a low outcropping of stone.

The sub-director waved him off. "No, I'm fine. If these air ducts are working, there may be a way to send some type of communication through them."

Kathryn looked up from where she was leaning against the wall, saw the man sway again. "Daylen, you have a concussion. You need to rest. If we're as close to the main tunnel as you believe, then they'll reach us soon."

Reluctantly, the man allowed Vorik to ease him down into a sitting position. His head was throbbing and he was weak, but still he felt responsible. How this could have happened was inconceivable to him.

"Captain, I am so sorry that you and Ensign Vorik have been injured. We have multiple safety measures in place to guard against structural collapse. I just don't understand what could have happened."

Kathryn shifted slightly, trying to alleviate the pressure along her ribs. Her arm had ceased to bother her, and that in itself was a bit worrisome. Sometimes pain was a good sign. She sighed. "Please don't blame yourself," she assured him.

And he nodded. "Still… I am sorry."

She smiled. "Apology accepted." Then she heard something. "Vorik?"

"I hear it also," he responded, walking closer to the far wall where the entranceway had collapsed. "It sounds like drilling equipment." He picked up a rock and carefully started knocking it against the rubble.

"See," Kathryn looked toward Daylen. "They're close."

~vVv~

B'Elanna pushed the hair back from her forehead and watched as the Trastorian engineers pressed forward with their laser drills. They were small hand-held devices, but that was all they were willing to risk – anything larger could cause further damage. Some of the _Voyager_ crew worked alongside them, taking the wall of rubble down one stone at a time. They'd studied the maps of the tunnel system and run numerous scans. Life-signs were still vague, but there seemed to be a cavern just three or four meters on the other side of the rock face. If they were lucky…

And B'Elanna sighed. She never liked depending on luck. Luck for her was sketchy and rare. Hard work and fierce determination trumped luck every time… and yet… Was it luck that had brought her to the Maquis? And the Maquis to_ Voyager_? And what had brought her to Tom Paris? Certainly not luck… Chakotay may have said fate. But what had fate brought him? And she knew, despite his injury, his answer would be one word: Kathryn. And taking a deep breath of resolve, B'Elanna turned back to the work at hand, pushing the questions away, focusing on that one answer, determined to bring her back to him.

Suddenly, one of the Trastorians stepped back, raised his hand. "Stop," he called. "Listen."

The loud hum of laser drills powered down around them, and the sudden silence was almost suffocating and palpable. They waited, as if holding one shared breath. And then they heard it – faint, but unmistakable: tapping from the other side.

~vVv~

"Tuvok to Paris."

Chakotay looked up as Tom acknowledged the hail.

"Paris here."

"I have just been in communication with Lieutenant Torres. They have located the captain, Ensign Vorik, and Sub-Director Daylen. The captain and the ensign have been transported to sickbay."

Chakotay was on his feet and out the door before Tom could stop him.

"What is the captain's condition?" Tom questioned, following the older man into the corridor. "Chakotay, wait!"

But he didn't stop, heading toward the turbolift.

"She has been injured, but she's conscious."

"All right." He ran to catch up with Chakotay. "We're on our way."

He stopped next to him as the turbolift door opened, took hold of his arm. "Slow down, Chakotay."

"I wanna see her," he insisted, stepping onto the lift.

"We will," Tom assured, "but we can't go rushing in there." He stepped in beside him and glanced toward the ceiling. "Sickbay," he intoned and then turned his attention back to Chakotay. "She's been hurt, and we have to let the Doctor take care of her."

He looked at Tom, his eyes filling with tears. "Hurt? How bad?"

Tom shook his head. "I don't know. She's awake though. That's good."

He watched as Chakotay took a deep breath. "She'll be all right," he said firmly. "She's home."

~vVv~

"Kathryn!" As soon as the doors slid open, Chakotay pulled away from Tom's hand on his arm and crossed over to the biobed where Kathryn was lying, the Doctor bent over her.

"Chakotay." The Doctor placed his hands on the man's shoulders, trying to move him away.

"No," Kathryn reached out to him, "let him stay." She looked up at the Doctor. "Check on Vorik. My condition's not critical."

"I beg to differ," the Doctor responded. "Those ribs-"

"Are not going anywhere." The look in her eyes softened. "Please… give us a few minutes."

"Very well." The Doctor stepped back and turned toward the ensign who was seated on the edge of another biobed. Tom had already started treating the cut above his eye.

Kathryn lifted her hand to Chakotay, and he grabbed hold of it, held it to his chest. The tears that had filled his eyes earlier were now dripping down his face. "I'm all right," she said quietly, even as her own tears spilled over.

With his other hand, Chakotay reached down and touched his fingertips to her cheeks, brushing gently over flushed skin. "I was… worried," he said, settling on that word, unsure about admitting his fear.

And Kathryn knew and admitted it for them both. "I was scared," she whispered.

He looked away for a moment and then back. "So was I."

She nodded reassuringly. "It's all right – to be scared." Gently, she pulled at his hand, caused him to bend closer, and he kissed her, his lips soft against hers, tender and hesitant.

"I love you, Kathryn," he breathed, pulling back slightly.

She let go of his hand, pressed her palm to his cheek. "I love you." Fresh tears fell from his eyes, and she smiled. "See – sometimes people cry when they're happy."

And he swallowed, covered her hand with his, fingers twining and holding tightly. He nodded in understanding, a dimpled grin creasing his face, remembering what she'd said before.

"Captain," the Doctor was back, "I need to take care of your injuries." He looked over at Chakotay. "I'll need her hand."

He lifted his eyes to the Doctor, and Kathryn could tell he was reluctant to let go. "It's all right," she assured him. "You can stay here with me."

"Just give her a little room," Tom said, coming over to him and taking his arm, making him take a step back.

Kathryn turned her head, her gaze going to the other biobed. "Ensign?"

Vorik pushed himself off the edge of the bed and came closer. "I'm fine, Captain." He looked toward Tom. "I'll be going back to my quarters, if that's all right?"

"You're good to go," Tom replied. "But… take tomorrow off."

The young Vulcan shook his head. "That will not be necessary."

"It will be if I make it an order," Kathryn said, her voice suddenly firm.

Vorik raised an eyebrow as if in preparation of questioning her directive, but seemed to change his mind. "Yes, Captain."

"And Vorik," she continued, "thank you."

"I did nothing but my duty, Captain. It is illogical to thank someone for only-"

"I know," she smiled, "but thank you anyway."

Vorik glanced at Tom, saw the man shrug, and so he simply replied, "You're welcome, Captain." Then he gave a slight nod and left.

"Captain, I must insist that you stop talking."

She looked at Tom and Chakotay, then at the Doctor, and laughed. "I didn't injure my voice, just my arm."

"And your shoulder and ribs. Talking causes movement, so you must stop."

She started to say something.

But he cut her off. "Now."

And, with a soft sigh and roll of her eyes, she acquiesced to his demands.

~vVv~


	24. Chapter 24

"There." The Doctor made a final adjustment to the sling around her arm and stepped back. "The bones have been regenerated and your shoulder is back in place, but I'd like you to keep this supported for at least twenty-four hours."

"Doctor?" She gave him a weary gaze.

But he persisted. "You may still have some discomfort, and you'll have difficulty raising your arm. The longer it remains in one place, the better. In fact, I'd like you to stay here tonight."

Kathryn looked over at Chakotay, who still stood patiently beside Tom, took note of his worried expression, and shook her head. "No. I'll be going back to my quarters."

"Captain, you'll need some help – dressing, bathing, even eating may prove troublesome."

Chakotay pulled away from Tom's hand on his shoulder and stepped forward. "I can help Kathryn," he said firmly, his eyes searching hers.

And Kathryn smiled. "See – problem solved."

The Doctor started to protest, but she continued.

"I'll be fine. I have my husband to take care of me," she assured, reaching out with her left hand and grasping the hand that Chakotay raised to her.

He turned his gaze to the Doctor. "I can take care of her. I can help her dress, and take a bath." He grinned and looked back at Kathryn. "And I can replicate dinner – without burning anything."

"That's more than I can do," she laughed as she slid off the side of the biobed, letting go of Chakotay's hand and draping her left arm around his shoulder. He wrapped his right arm around her waist.

"I'll make sure they get back to their quarters and settled in," Tom said, looking over at the Doctor.

And seeing that he was outnumbered, he gave in. "Very well. You can remove your arm from the sling to bathe and dress, and you needn't wear it when you're sleeping, but keep it on at all other times. And if you need anything, call me immediately."

"I will," Kathryn promised. "Thank you."

"Just doing my job," he responded as he turned toward his office. "And Lieutenant Paris, please tell your wife I want to see her as soon as possible."

"B'Elanna's fine, Doc," he called over his shoulder as they left Sickbay.

"I'll be the judge of that," the Doctor called back as the doors slid closed.

~vVv~

"You're sure you'll be all right?" Tom asked.

Chakotay had settled her on the edge of their bed and was now in the bathroom running a hot bath.

Kathryn reached out and squeezed Tom's arm. "We'll be fine. Go check on B'Elanna."

He smiled. "I think she's in our quarters taking a sonic shower. She's probably just tired and a little dirty."

"I know the feeling."

Chakotay appeared in the doorway. "I put in just a little bit of bubbles – the way you like it."

And Tom's smile broadened. "Bubbles? I think that's my cue to leave." He leaned over and placed Kathryn's combadge on the bedside table. "You call for me or the Doc if either of you need anything."

"We're fine, Tom," Chakotay said, coming back to the bed and holding his arm out for Kathryn. She stood and held onto his shoulder, even though she was already feeling stronger and didn't really need the support.

She winked at Tom. "You heard the Commander. We're fine. Now go. Tell B'Elanna thank you and we'll see you in the morning."

Tom nodded, reaching over and patting Chakotay on the back. "Take care of her, big guy. You call me if you need anything."

"I said we're fine." His voice was firm as he stepped toward the bathroom with Kathryn.

And Tom laughed. "Now that does sound like the Commander."

"And an indirect order," Kathryn agreed. "You're dismissed, Lieutenant Paris."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied and then turned and left.

Kathryn moved her hand from Chakotay's shoulder up to his face, brushed her fingers over his cheek. "You know Tom's just trying to help."

He nodded. "I know. But I can help you."

"I'm glad. I need a little help."

Once in the bathroom, he helped her sit on the side of the tub. Kathryn reached down and touched the bubble-covered water. "Oh, nice and hot. Let's get this sling off."

Carefully, they removed her sling, and then Chakotay helped her take off her grey tank-top; her jacket and turtleneck had been removed in Sickbay. She unhooked her black uniform pants, and, holding onto his shoulder with her good arm, she let him slide the pants off. That left only her underwear.

She looked up at him, could feel that he was a bit nervous. Watching her undress and undressing her weren't the same. She gave him a reassuring smile. "Chakotay, can you unhook my bra?"

He nodded and reached down to her back, his large fingers fumbling slightly at the clasp. It came undone, and Kathryn pulled the material away. Then she stood and pushed off her panties before stepping into the tub. Holding his hand, she sank into the hot water, sighing with relief.

"Umm, this does feel good." She gazed up at him, and he knelt on the floor beside her.

"It's not too hot?" he asked.

She pulled his hand into the water, let him feel the heat. And he smiled slightly.

"See – just right," she assured.

He pulled his hand away and reached over to the side of the tub, picked up the items he'd placed there. "Here's a washcloth and soap." He dipped the cloth in the water and then scrubbed the soap over it. He looked up at Kathryn, grinned shyly. "Do you want me to wash your back?"

And she sighed again, her eyes filling with tears at the expression on his face – so caring and full of love.

"That would be wonderful, Chakotay," she whispered, leaning forward in the water and letting her husband bathe her.

~vVv~


	25. Chapter 25

Kathryn leaned back in the warm water and let the bubbles brush gently against her neck and shoulders. She felt safe, and tired… and clean. Chakotay had already helped her wash her hair, and it was swept up on top of her head, cocooned in a plush bath towel that was doubling quite nicely as a pillow. Now, he was at the other end of the tub, bathing her feet, lifting each foot out of the water and running the wash cloth between each individual toe. She was touched by his careful ministrations, the concentrated look on his face, the tender care he took – like polishing fine silver.

"They're just toes, Chakotay," she smiled, watching as he lowered one foot only to pick up the other one again.

"Pink toes," he grinned, running the cloth over them for the second time.

Only her husband and perhaps the Doctor knew that under her black boots the Captain had rose-pink toenails.

"Do I need another pedicure?" she sighed. He'd watched her polish them before, but had never asked about the procedure.

"Pedicure?" he questioned the word.

"When you take care of your feet and trim your toenails, it's called a pedicure. Some people paint their nails, especially women."

He studied the toes on her left foot, then reached down with his other hand and lifted her right one, held them side by side. "All pink," he verified.

"That's good." She gave him another smile. "Come up here," she instructed, her left hand beckoning him closer with a curl of her fingers.

Gently, he lowered her feet back into the water and crawled to the head of the tub. Reaching out, she traced her fingers over his face, a frothy line of soap bubbles trailing across his cheekbone. "When was the last time you took a bath?"

He shook his head. "I'm not dirty."

And she laughed softly. "That's not what I asked."

"I'll take a bath…" He thought for a moment. "...when you're better."

"Oh." She instantly understood his reasoning. "So I can I help you."

"Uh-huh." He nodded, brushing at the wet bubbles on his cheek.

"You're getting so much better… you probably don't need my help anymore."

He moved closer, pressing his cheek further against her fingers. "I'll always need your help." And turning slightly, he kissed the palm of her hand.

~vVv~

And she would always need his, she thought as he took the towel from her hair, drying it gently as he pulled the terrycloth material away. He brushed the damp strands back from her face, then helped her out of the tub, one hand supporting her back as the other began to rub a larger towel along her arms and legs, smoothing gently over breasts and stomach, the shared intimacy of bathing another person's body helping to ease his initial hesitancy.

_She was just the person who took care of him. _The words were there, suddenly, in her mind. And she realized how comforting it was to know that he was still the person who could take care of her.

He walked her into the bedroom, and she stood beside him as he reached into the top dresser drawer and took out her peach nightgown. "Your favorite," he whispered, as he drew her towel away and carefully lowered the gown over her head, letting it fall around her body, his gaze reverent – as if he were anointing her.

She touched the silk of the nightgown, sliding her left hand across her stomach, then reaching out and taking his hand in hers, squeezing it softly. "It is my favorite," she agreed, so pleased that he knew.

And he smiled and guided her across the room. "Now – I'll tuck you in and bring you dinner."

"In bed?" she questioned even as she slid under the blankets that he held up.

"Well – some people have breakfast in bed, so you can have dinner in bed." He tucked the blankets around her, propping his pillow under her arm.

She looked up at him. "How do you know about breakfast in bed?" He hadn't eaten breakfast in bed since… well, since his time in Sickbay after the accident, and hand feeding someone in a biobed wasn't your typical breakfast in bed.

"Tom told me that sometimes he and B'Elanna have breakfast in bed – after the toast pops out of the toaster."

She nodded in understanding. Chakotay was fascinated by Tom and B'Elanna's quarters – the old-fashioned lamps, the toaster, the television.

"So, are we having toast?" she smiled.

"Do you want toast?" he asked seriously.

"I guess – maybe toast and soup?"

"Okay. I'll be right back." And he disappeared into the other room.

"Chakotay, be careful," she called after him. He could use the replicator by himself, but usually for simple things, like cookies or tea. He'd never replicated a complete meal.

She could hear his voice, speaking to the replicator, although she couldn't make out the words. And she waited. A few minutes passed, and then he appeared in the doorway, holding a tray in his hands, each step slow and careful. She could see two bowls, two glasses of milk, and a stack of toast.

"I got a tray," he explained when he reached the side of the bed.

Using her left hand, she pushed herself up into a sitting position and helped him lower the tray onto her lap.

"Tomato – good choice!" She balanced the tray with her hand as he settled on the side of the bed.

"It's Tom's favorite." He picked up a spoon and handed it to her. "Do you like it?"

"Oh, yes. It's one of my favorites, too." And she dipped the spoon into the nearest bowl and took a bite.

"Tom says the replicator can make fourteen kinds of tomato soup. This one's called hot plain."

"Umm… It's good." She dipped up another spoonful and held it out to him. "You try."

Leaning forward, he let her spoon the soup into his mouth. He swallowed and smiled, then picked up a piece of toast and held it out to her. "And I didn't burn anything."

"Not a thing," she agreed, trading her spoon for the toast and watching as he started to eat, his head bent to the task.

She set the toast on the tray and gently ran her fingers over the short hair at his temple. "Thank you – for taking care of me."

He lifted his head and looked at her. "Eat, Kathryn, before it gets cold."

"Yes, sir." And she picked up the other spoon and enjoyed dinner in bed with her husband.

~vVv~


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note:** Thanks for reading and reviewing! This is a short chapter, but real life has been unbelievably busy! I appreciate your patience and understanding!

Kathryn watched, through half-closed eyes, as Chakotay got ready for bed. She was so tired - the events of the day catching up with her – but she didn't want to sleep until he was beside her. She smiled as he pulled off his shirt and stepped out of his pants, leaving them where they dropped on the bedroom floor.

"Recycler," she reminded softly.

And he grinned over at her, scooping up the clothing and pushing it into the wall unit. He moved to the dresser to get his sweatpants, pulled them on over his boxers, then found an old grey t-shirt, arms pushing into the sleeves, head disappearing for a moment. When he reappeared, his hair was standing on end. He started toward the bed.

"Teeth." Another reminder.

And he turned, went back into the bathroom.

Kathryn let her eyes close fully only to open them a few moments later when the bed shook slightly.

"That's not your side," she observed, scooting over to give Chakotay room.

"I don't wanna hurt your arm," he explained, pushing his feet under the covers and lying down in the space beside her. He curled closer to her, his body molding to her left side.

Carefully, she settled down into the bed so that she was lying next to him, his head resting on her pillow.

She gazed into his eyes. "I'm sorry, Chakotay."

He blinked at her. "For what?"

"For getting hurt. Making you worry – and wait."

He chewed hesitantly on his lower lip.

She continued. "I love you so much. I never want you to be scared."

And Chakotay reached out, gently traced his fingers over the side of her face. "I love you, Kathryn. And I… don't want you to be scared either. But… sometimes… bad things happen. People get… hurt."

"I know." She knew he was talking about himself.

"But as long… as we love each other…" he breathed.

"Then we'll be all right." And she softly pressed her lips to his.

~vVv~

"Absolutely not."

The Doctor glared at her. "Absolutely yes."

She glared back. "I do not need to take a day off from work. I feel fine."

"Regardless, I've prescribed a day off and you will take a day off. You can't countermand my professional judgment."

"Doctor, I need to oversee the final trade negotiations, and I was going to meet with the Prime Director to discuss shore leave for the crew. I have responsibilities that must be taken care of."

"I believe you have responsibilities here as well," he returned, glancing toward the table where Chakotay sat, his eyes darting back and forth between them, observing their exchange like a tennis match, his breakfast half eaten.

And Kathryn bit back the comment she'd been about to make, realizing with a rush that the Doctor was right. Even if she did feel fine, there were others who could deal with trade negotiations and shore leave; Chakotay needed her.

"Point taken," she sighed. "I'm sure Neelix can finalize the trade details, and Tuvok can arrange shore leave privileges." She gazed over at Chakotay. "A visit to the holodeck might be nice this morning." And she felt herself relax at the smile that lit his face. Time together is what they needed.

"And I suggest that you take advantage of some shore leave yourself – perhaps tomorrow," the Doctor proposed.

She started to shake her head at the suggestion of another day off, but she restrained her immediate inclination. An outing on the holodeck would be nice today, but the idea of real time spent on a real planet was inviting. And she knew Chakotay would love the adventure.

"Well, we'll see," she conceded, earning a smile from the Doctor and a look of anticipation from Chakotay. "But I can't make any promises."

"An assurance of consideration will suffice for now," the Doctor said, reaching over and adjusting the sling around her right arm. "Keep this on for the rest of the day, and then you can discontinue using it. But if you feel the slightest discomfort, contact me immediately."

"I will," she smiled at him, appreciating his concern.

"Now," and he pointed toward the table, "finish your breakfast and enjoy yourselves. Both of you. I think therapy can be postponed for a few days. I'll let Mister Paris know."

"Thank you," Kathryn offered, taking his hand in her left one and squeezing it.

"Yes, well…" He looked a bit flustered by the contact.

And her smile broadened. She loved seeing him at a loss for words. She wondered what a kiss on his cheek would do, but she didn't act on the thought. Perhaps she'd save that for another day.

~vVv~


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note:** Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Real life keeps getting in the way! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Kathryn stood at the end of Fisherman's Wharf, the bay spread out before her and the wind rippling through her hair. Beside her, Chakotay was throwing breadcrumbs into the blue-grey water and watching gulls and terns swooping low to feast upon his offering. She'd programmed a late afternoon-early evening so that the sun was beginning to dip lower on the horizon, shades of orange and pink gilding the edges of soft white clouds, gentling slowly into night. It had always been her favorite time of day, and she'd taken many leisurely walks along the wharf during her years in San Francisco. And she knew that Chakotay had, too – they'd talked about it before, always wondering if they'd seen each other, passed the other without realizing. Of course, they hadn't been at the Academy together, but later, in-between postings, on shore leaves perhaps. Kathryn thought it might have been possible, but Chakotay swore that he would have remembered seeing her, that he would have been drawn to her immediately, like a magnet to steel – like that moment on _Voyager_'s bridge when he'd first beamed over from the _Val Jean_.

Still, Kathryn wondered, looking around at the holographic flow of people that wandered up and down the popular tourist attraction. Would she have seen him, known him from a distance? Would her heart have felt his presence, sensed his nearness to her? A chance encounter on a busy boardwalk versus an encounter seventy-five thousand light years away in the Delta Quadrant? And she sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder, simply thankful that somewhere between here and there she'd encountered him.

She felt him turn and look down at her. "Are you tired?" he asked, dropping the remainder of the breadcrumbs onto the surface of the water beneath them.

And she watched as a flurry of pale grey and white birds descended upon the morsels, manna from above. She shook her head. "No, I'm not tired. Just thinking."

"I've been thinking, too," he said quietly, and she heard a note of wistfulness in his tone.

She rubbed her hand along his back, felt him tremble slightly. "About what happened on Trastor Nine?"

He nodded.

"I'm all right," she affirmed, knowing that he would need a lot of reassurance for a while. "We're all right."

"I know, but…"

"What?" She reached up and touched his cheek, seeing tears begin to fill his eyes.

"I don't want you to go away again." He raised his hand to hers, large fingers covering her smaller ones, wrapping around them into a firm grasp – a lifeline that tethered him to her.

"Oh, Chakotay." She felt her throat constrict and she swallowed around the ache. "You know I can't… I can't make that promise."

Another nod. "I know." And a tear slid silently from the corner of one eye.

She leaned up and kissed his cheek, tasted the salt on her lips.

"You're… the captain." He tried to make the words strong and clear, but she heard the unsteadiness in his voice.

And, in that moment, all she wanted to be was his wife.

~vVv~

They watched the sun set over the water, walked the length of the wharf several times hand in hand, counted the stars that pinpointed the dark velvet blue of night. But they didn't talk about it anymore, didn't discuss what being the captain meant. Chakotay understood even now - whether he remembered or somehow instinctively knew: she loved him, but she had a duty to _Voyager_, to the crew, and sometimes that would mean having to leave him.

But she was with him now, and he held to her, gazed up at the deep expanse above them, felt safe beneath the blanket of the sky and the warmth of her beside him. She was his wife – and his captain. He knew that. And once, he had been her first officer – had stood beside her on the bridge, worn that uniform that was in the picture – the same uniform that still hung in the closet next to hers. He looked at it sometimes, touched it, but never put it on. It was his, and yet it wasn't, for he wasn't that man anymore.

And he wished he was.

"You're still thinking, aren't you?" Her voice was quiet, and he blinked, drawn back from his thoughts to the cool night air and the sound of the waves lapping against the pier.

Lowering his eyes from the stars, he looked down at her and nodded. "I used to be… your first officer."

She drew in a deep breath; they'd talked about this before. "That's right."

"On the bridge. Beside you."

"Yes." She reached out, closed her hand around his. "Do you remember?"

"Sometimes." But it was just images, fleeting moments: sitting next to her, watching the viewscreen, the flash and sound of an alert – nothing specific. And yet, he knew he missed it. "I'll… never be… your first officer again."

She tightened her hold on his hand. "We don't know that. The Doctor still doesn't know how much you'll remember or learn."

He shook his head. "But… probably not enough."

She wasn't sure what to say because he was right – no matter how much he remembered or learned it probably wouldn't be enough to resume his position as executive officer, to be her second-in-command again.

And so, she was silent, and the moment stretched out between them, heavy in the evening air.

Until she said, "It's getting late," mentally chiding herself for avoiding the discussion that she wasn't sure how to have. "Almost time for supper." She opted for the mundane. "Are you hungry?"

"A little bit," he answered, not questioning her change of topic. He knew there was nothing more to say.

"Do you want to eat in the mess hall or in our cabin?"

He shrugged; it really didn't matter.

"I don't know what Neelix is making. It might be good."

"Pizza?" he asked, somewhat hopeful.

But she shook her head. "Probably not twice in one week. We could replicate some pizza."

He glanced over at her, a doubtful expression on his face. The last time Kathryn had replicated pizza she'd managed to burn it; he still wasn't sure how.

She laughed at his reaction. "Maybe we'd better stick with the mess hall."

And he nodded. He liked Neelix's food – even leola root, as long as it wasn't on pizza.

"All right," he agreed.

And she smiled over at him. "Good. We'll go eat."

And yet, she remained there, her gaze shifting back to the dark sky and the sea, not moving toward the holodeck's exit at the opposite end of the wharf.

"Kathryn?" He tugged gently on her hand.

"You'll always have a place beside me, Chakotay," she said softly.

And he sighed. He knew he would probably never be her first officer again, but he would always be hers.

~vVv~


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note:** Sorry I haven't been able to post recently. Same old song and dance: real life is just too real! This chapter is short, but I want to keep trying to write. Thanks for reading and reviewing! And thanks for being patient! JT

Sometimes, when she was curled around his back, safe and warm in their bed, she forgot – forgot that he wasn't the same man she'd always loved, forgot that he needed her so much just to make it through a day, forgot that he wasn't her first officer anymore… forgot that, although he was still her husband, he was no longer her lover.

And sometimes, she wanted to forget – wanted to press closer to him and pretend that the past three months hadn't happened – imagine that they would get up, dress in their uniforms, share breakfast, and head to the bridge together.

So, some mornings, she would wake, and lie in bed, her arms around him, and daydream before the alarm sounded and reality set in.

It was a nice dream.

But one that didn't last long.

She felt him jerk at the sound of the alarm; he'd been sleeping soundly. Most nights she was grateful for that – a sound sleep meant no nightmares.

Instinctively, she strengthened her hold on him, helping to reassure him as he eased into consciousness. "Shh, Chakotay, you're awake."

He shifted in her arms, turning over, head on her pillow, eyes finding hers. "G'morning," he breathed, the corners of his lips turning up in a small smile of greeting.

"Good morning." She returned his smile, her fingers rubbing gently over his cheek. "You slept well."

He nodded and yawned.

"Maybe you should sleep some more," she suggested, softly running her hand over his head, resting her palm against the back of his neck.

He shook his head. "Uh-uh… shore leave," he reminded.

She'd arranged it last night after supper in the mess hall, which had been surprisingly leola free – not pizza, but an acceptable casserole which they'd both enjoyed. And then, since it wasn't too late, when they'd returned to their quarters, she'd contacted the Prime Director and set up some shore leave time for them. Tylen had insisted that they join him and his wife for an early lunch before exploring the city. And Kathryn had accepted. Chakotay had been getting into his pajamas when she'd placed her call, so she'd been able to explain his condition to the Prime Director. Tylen understood and was extremely sympathetic.

"_I can imagine how difficult these past months have been for you, Captain," he responded, his expression tight with concern._

_And she felt his compassion, real and true in the moment. "Please, call me Kathryn. If we're going to be socializing, we should be on a first-name basis," she suggested._

"_Indeed," he agreed. "But only if you call me Tylen. And my wife, Lela, will be pleased to meet both you and your husband."_

_Kathryn smiled. "We look forward to meeting her. Chakotay will be excited about visiting your world. I suppose that's one positive aspect of his injury – almost every experience is new and fascinating for him. He's come a long way – we're just not sure how much further he'll progress."_

_He nodded. "I understand. If there's anything I can do to help make your visit more accommodating, please let me know. I do regret the incident yesterday."_

_Kathryn shook her head in dismissal. Tylen had already apologized profusely, and she'd already assured him that she was fine, as was Ensign Vorik. "Accidents happen," she reiterated. And thought silently in her mind: _Believe me – I know.

_And what she didn't say, the Prime Director read in her eyes. "Yes," he sighed. "They do – unavoidable and unexplainable." He met her gaze. "They force us to be strong."_

_She'd always prided herself on her ability to recognize the measure of a person's character, and what she felt from Tylen was unmistakable: he was a good man, and the Telvekians were good people. Their world would be an excellent place for Chakotay's first shore leave._

She could see in his eyes how excited he was – the light behind the dark chocolate brown, sparks of interest as he pulled away from her and got out of bed, taking half the covers with him. She laughed softly and tugged at the sheet that was half wrapped around his hips. He untangled his body and pushed himself onto his feet, headed toward the bathroom. Kathryn rolled onto her back and stared out the viewport above her, listening as he went about his morning routine, pleased that he could do it without her assistance now: use the bathroom, wash his hands and face, comb his hair, pad back out into the bedroom, ready for breakfast.

She sat up in bed and smiled over at him. "So, you want to eat first and then take a bath and get dressed?"

He nodded. "I'll make breakfast while you take a bath," he suggested. He glanced over at the sling that lay on the bedside table, and then back at Kathryn. "Do you need help?"

She shook her head, rolled her arm slightly at the shoulder; it didn't hurt. Not even a twinge. "No, I'm fine now. You take care of breakfast – nothing fancy, just toast and cereal for me. I'm sure Tylen will have a good lunch for us."

"All right," he agreed, and headed into the other room. "I can do toast and cereal."

"I know you can," she called after him, pulling herself out of bed, then staring back at the tangled cocoon of blankets. She missed those mornings when they would linger in bed together, talking and kissing, holding each other – making love. Those mornings seemed so far away now, but maybe… someday…

With a mental shrug, Kathryn turned away and went into the bathroom.

~vVv~


End file.
